FUCK!!!!! Why must my insomnia strike with a fucking vengeance the night before I start my clinicals?????? I have to be up in 3 hours to start my day and go to class and not a bit of sleep. I haven't even had an easy day. I even went running earlier and nope, not a wink. Anyone else out there dealing with a bit of sleeplessness?
Ugh....
Follow me in instagram @ms.elkins_yall
Thanks for reading, comment, share, etc :-/
So, Monday I start my clinicals!!!!!!
I am not nervous. I guess everything to this point has kicked me to the point where I'm just like, "Bring it!" I am ready for this shit and can't wait till its over. Currently I am preparing my binder for class on Monday. I know that everyone said I don't need notes because everything is hands on but I know I will or someone will and Ild rather be prepared than to just go with the flow. I haven't gotten to where I am by listening to those that, I'm sorry but, barely passed. I refuse to barely pass. I'm going to kick ass, take names, and rock this shit.
My winter break has gone remarkably well. My munchkin and I did catch a small winter cold but besides that things have been great. I was seriously spoiled by we will call him Army Love. Army love is new and very sweet. He is remarkable, kind, romantic, hilarious, and driven. I didn't think I was going to have any kind of a love life for a while because let's face it K. and really, the former kilt wearing whatever really made me question everything. I know what the mistakes I made in each relationship and I know what I needed to work on. But I also found out the people I thought I knew weren't people I even knew in the least. They both hurt me so many levels. They both lied about so many things. They both pushed me a point of no return and honestly it was foolish of me to keep trying for as long as I did. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone try if they really don't want to. You can't see how controlling and manipulative someone is until you step back from them. Both of them tried and succeeded in manipulating me to accept things I never should have. I won't make that mistake again and I won't ever allow anyone to make me feel how both of them made me feel at one point or another.
So, now that I am onto someone fresh and new and amazing- who sought me out and is chasing me and not the other way around, I'm going to take the experiences I learned and suffered through and put them to good use. It truly is a new year. :-)
So, recently I have fallen into the social media trap, which I wrote about in another post. I am now and instagram - er. LOL! It just sounds so absurd but whatever. I, however, am not posting pics of my meals. Nope. I fell into the category of annoying animal and pet pics. It's actually not to bad a way to waste time or when you need a smile to just scroll through the hundreds of pics posted or adorable turtles, cats, dogs, etc. Check me out at @ms.elkins_yall on instagram. #follow4follow
Over the past few weeks I really needed those random, no reason smiles, and laughs from adorable little videos.
Per usual there have been so many things that have just tried their hardest to tear me down. BUT! My dear readers, I will over come and I will keep this positivity because as I have written so many times before. As much as I want to bitch, moan, and complain; I know there are people out there fighting much harsher battles, dealing with worse people, and overcoming so much more. I can't begin to innumerate the countless blessing I know I have.
Speaking of one of those blessings, I am SO happy to announce that I am only 1 more class away from my externship and degree in dental!!! I think that I'm going to continue onto my bachelor's degree after I get placed in a good oral surgeons office but for right now, keeping my head in the game, grades as high as possible, and graduating at the top of my class is my main focus and goal. Besides, hopefully getting my mom her surgery as soon as possible. It's quite pathetic really, now that I know the inside tricks of the trade and some of the dental secrets, that insurance companies and the scam artist dentists my mom has seen have tried to claim that what she needs is purely cosmetic. ITS NOT! The whole thing pisses me off to no end. I know there are good doctors and surgeons out there that have dealt with having to surgically extract full dentition of someone who has protein s and c deficiency, and has been on blood thinners a while. I will find them, hell I hope to work for one. I want to make a change and not only help my mom but help others like my mom who can't even get cleanings done because of the lack of education on the disorder and on the effects of blood thinners on the body. She wasn't even told when she started the blood thinners that they caused bone loss. Most don't realize it because the people placed on blood thinners normally are already elderly and have no viable teeth left so the bone loss affects their spine or hips and it's attributed to osteoporosis, not the constant thinning of their blood which weakens the bone strength. My mom, however, still had beautiful teeth. Now she has maybe 6. They have all broken off, piece by piece, brittle and too damaged for her to even brush them. She has to rinse her mouth with scope and peroxide just to keep the periodontal infection from becoming sepsis in her blood. And still, insurance and the dentist and/or oral surgeons she has seen across the country see the necessary hospitalization and extraction of her teeth under the monitoring of a hemotologist to be "cosmetic". BULLSHIT! Your' oral health effects your' over all health. Plane and simple. Look it up....
Okay, I didn't mean for that to turn into a rant. I guess it was just on my mind.
Thanks for reading and as always comment below, share, subscribe, and hope you are having a pleasant day or night depending on where you are in the world.
When in the hell did black Friday start on fucking Thursday!!????!!! For all of my over seas readers, thanksgiving is kind of a big deal over here in America. It's not our independence day but it's a very special holiday that is suppose to be spent with family or friends celebrating the years and everything that you are thankful for. Over the years it has been morphed into just getting together with friends and/or family and stuffing your face with massive amounts of turkey or ham and many other foods and then in alot of homes watching some football. When I was younger it was spent at a native American powwow and I was either tending to the meal being prepared over a fire or I was a featured dancer in the arena.
Now, these stupid corporate ass hats are opening stores at 6 pm on fucking thanksgiving! Screw spending time with family or helping clean up after everyone has gorged themselves on turkey, nope let's go shop at target or Walmart and buy a bunch of shit we don't need but it's on sale and it's shopping for another mass corporate driven bullshit holiday that again is suppose to be about family and togetherness but fuck that. It's about who has the best presents?!?! I am beyond aggravated about this. Not only do all of the clowns who are shopping on Thanksgiving miss the point but now all these people that wanted to spend their holiday with their families but work in retail now also have to work on the holiday. It's even more aggravating because it just makes it all okay. Think about all the soldiers that can't be home for any holiday and these stupid retailers are just taking advantage of greedy mother fuckers who don't see the point in family togetherness.
I am NOT going to shop on Thanksgiving. I WILL NOT shop on black Friday I do not give a fuck about the sales! I will NOT add to this bullshit and refuse to support it in any way. I beg any of my American readers to remember the reason to these holidays and celebrate your family/friends/what you are thankful for. Don't support these retailers that are just fattening their wallets with your money while your still struggling. If you do invest your money in a sale, do it at a local store that way the money stays into your local economy. These corporations do not care about your family, they obviously do not care about their employees who have to go in on Thanksgiving NOT black friday. Come on common sense people!
I broke down and made a damn instagram account. All these years I have stuck to specific social media sites in the delusional idea that I was doing something good for myself. The truth is it doesn't matter what site you go on, the Web is the web. And, you can get addicted to social media just as easily as you can get addicted to anything else. How do I know? Because my pathetic ass cannot stay off my damn facebook for more than two days EVEN if I don't post anything. I am so fucking pathetic. Whatever. Follow me on instagram at ms.elkins_yall
Not much to report for the last few days. procrastination at its finest today. I blame the cold weather and my warm blankets/robe. I managed to get up and take a nice warm shower but then it took me a whole damn hour almost to choose something to wear....what do I choose? Leggings and a long sleeve black shirt..basic bitch is my outfit for the day. Now I should be cleaning my house and preparing for my week but I have this kitten on my foot and if I move she wakes up and if she wakes up the dogs get up and my feet stop being so warm. Ugh!!!!
I am so exhausted. It has been a very hectic day, month, several months....I want to close my eyes and rest but for some reason it's just not happening. I feel restless and with everything that has happened, I feel just broken hearted but empty. I'm not sad. I'm not even pissed anymore. I'm just laying here. And, at the same time I'm not just laying here because I refuse to stay still. If everyone else can move on why can't I?
I cleaned and scrubbed my house today. Not like a thorough spring type cleaning but the bleach was out. I even made Cleo my semi foster kitty a little jungle gym of sorts just because I was bored. Not bored enough to work ahead in my course but bored enough to take some boxes and make a little kitty maze out of them. Do you know how that is? You have all these other things to do on your to do list but it just seems so much more responsible to make a completely new thing to do......yeah, mind of a woman I guess...or just the mind of a lost heart.
Random thought for the night and to end this rambling nonsense of mine for the night, " If blue birds can fly way above the rainbows, why can't I"?
