Pride

Is it a bad thing that I am very proud of myself? I have been working my ass of lately with packing, selling stuff, doing laundry, and working on a very extensive business project for school. And, yes it all was worth it! Today, I made a 100% on my business exam and 105% on my project and my campus manager made a copy of my project to use for a future example of what students should be doing. It was such a compliment to me. Yet, at the same time it was very humbling experience. 

When I first presented my business plan and my report though, I actually felt a bit pissed off because a few of the other girls in my class heckled me for going in depth in my research. 

If I work really hard and do a really good job or win something its like I have broken a huge cardinal rule or something. Then again, if I dont participate in something then they act as though I am doing them an injustice. 

My report was about 4 mins long which was actually under the allotted time but they acted like it was the longest 4 minutes of their lives. It was really, really rude and it really, really pissed me off! I am never that rude to anyone because its just not how I was raised. You treat others the way that you want to be treated and everyone deserves common courtesy. 

It definitively wasnt the way that I wanted to spend my last day but then it was all turned around when Ms. Candace asked to make copies of it and a few other women from class started asking me questions about my report and thanked me for giving them some great ideas for their projects and future grant applications. 

Then the group of us stayed working together for the rest of the afternoon and I even got my hair done. After it was styled and everything I walked around getting pics of my friends and educators before clocking out. Its so weird to think that just in a few days I will be on my way to Florida. It would be tomorrow but the darn U-Haul place doesnt have my trailer ready. I guess that is a blessing though because I needed the extra time. I have been working so hard and been so stressed out, I needed that extra day to relax and take a deep breath. 

My munchkin was even starting to feel the stress, so tonight I just cooked her dinner, played, chilled out, and let her relax. I have been focusing to much on  getting out of here that I have forgot to breath and take a minute to evaluate everything. And, if I dont breath and slow down then she wont. Children feel stress too. 

When I left school today, I will admit I was fighting back some tears but I also had this great sigh of relief come across me. 

Yes, I am going to miss certain people but those certain people will not be out of my life completely. True friends never leave your heart. No matter the distance or time in between. I am finally getting to go home. I am prepared now. I have a shot and I have a way to succeed. I am in a weird not scared but not okay place at the moment...sorry if it comes off as incomprehensible. Well, my bed is calling my name. Lots to do tomorrow!!!!  

So exhausted

Although today started out kinda late and I didnt get to do what I really really wanted to do, I still ended up being very productive!

Let me explain why it is such a big deal what I did today. 

Okay so last summer when I went back to Florida, I left the house in okay shape. It wasnt a mess but it wasnt like ocd perfect either. When I came back we just moved in with Cody's mother because she needed the help and honestly I didnt want to bring Alyssa back into the house as it was when I came back. 

While I was gone the dogs were left inside at night, so they wouldnt run off or over heat. Well, needless to say they tore up everything that they could and then no body cleaned up after them. I did when I got back but then they were locked up in there again when it snowed and flooded and again they destroyed everything that they could. Not to mention the fact that when Cody moved his stuff out he just trashed everything, then his family went in there, and who knows who else has been in that house and it was trashed. Luckily the majority of mine and Alyssa's stuff was locked up safely in her old room. However, I still had to go through everything, pick up everything, and try and thin out the things I want to take with me to Florida. Not an easy job at all. I wish I would have taken a before and after picture. 

I ended up throwing out seven bags of trash,

have to go through all of my dishes still but the kitchen is picked up and the cabinets are cleaned out, 

threw out (by myself) two couches that were in horrible shape, 

Cleaned off the catch all also known as the computer desk, 

cleaned out the hall cabinets,

began packing and sorting out my five shelves of movies, 

and I began moving into the Living room to sort it out. 

Trash, Keep, and Sell....

Hoarders did teach me something LOL!! 

I have no problem getting rid of stuff though. Seriously, I have lived so long without, I know I dont need most of that stuff. I really want to get down to just enough to fill my truck up and be content with that. It will make things so much easier =) 

I still have lots to do but I at least know that I have a really good shot at being done with everything by the end of the week. That way I can focus on important stuff and see the few people up here that actually care and are going to miss me. 

Well, time to crash. Hopefully I will wake up ontime for school. I cant believe I slept in till 9 am this morning. 

Down 18.5 pounds!

Three weeks and I am finally down 18.5 pounds!! I am so proud of myself and feel like I have the right to be. 

I figured I would sit and write a bit before I worked out tonight, since I havent had a chance to in a few days. 

School is going good. I am up to almost were I need to be attendance wise, my grades are all high A's, and I am 85% ahead in my practical credits! I am trying not to concern myself with bullshit drama because I wont be there for too much longer but something today really pissed me off. I was having a wonderful day! I was headed to clock out after a wonderfully busy day in the salon! Then I saw it! Some bitch drew a mustache on my picture on my locker! 

People, dont touch shit that isnt yours! That was staight up childish behaviour. I havent messed with anyone's things and some bitch drew a mustache on my picture! 

I will admit I would have laughed is someone taped a mustache to my picture, but drawing one on my picture with a marker (there by destroying the picture and I cannot make another one! It was on my laptop that got flooded out last May. I cannot print out another copy of that picture. I shouldnt have had to worry about someone fucking with my locker. That is just petty and retarded. 

Tomorrow I am going to have to take down all my pics off my locker because I cannot risk the chance of someone fucking with my other pics and really pissing me off. 

Other than that, I guess school is going pretty great. 

One month left till I am back home and starting over completely. I will miss certain things, certain people, and have some very fond memories...(the woods for one)..but I need a new start. 

Working on that...

Flying gel!

This morning was interesting. 

Walked in to the salon and barely got my stuff all situated before this chick Dorinda started a fight with one of my friends, Candice. 

Before I could even really grasp what was going on Dorinda was cussing Candice out and then the gel went flying! 

Dorinda thew an entire jar of gel at Candice's stomach (Candice just had her gullbladder removed!) 

Dorinda has started shit with everyone on our rotation and been in so many altercations with people that its just not fair that she hasnt been terminated yet. 

I was the one that jumped in and held Candice back from whooping Dorinda's ass but it wasnt cause I didnt think Candice could control herself or anything like that. I held her back because Candice would have tore her apart and then would have been terminated. She didnt deserve that and Dorinda doesnt deserve that kind of satisfaction. 

Geez all these people fighting! Last night I had to break up a fight in my own living room and this morning I had to jump into a fight at the salon....Its not a full moon...whats with everyone? Cant we all just get along? 

Im sick of this! 

Let's be adults people. We learned it in kindergarten! Keep your hands to yourself and if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all!! 

Wonderful morning

I had a wonderful morning. I just had to write about it. Nothing like a good long walk and a hike in the woods. That and getting kinda lost in the woods was fun (my bad "wandering"). It was a good workout and some very special time. I am still very stressed out and trying to figure out how to come up with some quick cash but for those few hours, I was stress free. Till I had a semi-sugar fit. I hate having hypoglycemia. I am a very strong woman and like to keep that image of me. 

But, all in all it was a great workout and a wonderful morning. Now its raining and its making me sleepy. 

Ill write more in a bit, I just thought I would share a bit..

It is truly a rare find.....

Men like that dont exist anymore. 

They are to interested in swag and being lazy. 

Love stories just dont happen...

Probably because I am too bull headed to allow it to happen,

 to preoccupied with whats expected of me,

but I dream of a love like that.

A prince in shining armor, 

A man willing to accept all my qwarks

 without conditions, 

willing to accept my love,

ready to be a father, 

a husband,

 a provider,

 a lover, 

a friend. 

Not caught up with other situations, 

other women,

selfish needs, 

complications. 

I would give my all.

Im understanding, 

accepting, 

and low maintenance. 

Im not asking for a lot. 

Not needing you to sweep me off my feet, 

not needing you to rescue me, 

just needing something more than-

cheap thrills, 

a drive by, 

a weekend of regrets. 

I need a forever, 

cant be never, 

always longing,

work hard, 

play harder,

Notebook kind of love. 

That love is ancient, 

that love is lasting, 

that love has ups and downs, 

but downs are few and far between.

Its hours on the phone without a word,

but without distraction. 

Its without heart break, 

or  let downs. 

Its impossibly perfect in 

a very flawed 

elaborate way. 

Fairy tales could never 

get it right on the money,

could never grasp its whole

plethora of dynamics.

In short, 

the Notebook is BS. 

I am tired of seeing 

what I shall never have,

crying and thinking

how pathetic I am for doing so. 

No fairy tale is real,

Did you hear that?

Glass Shattered.