Amanda Todd (RIP)

No, I didnt know the girl personally but I wish I had. 

She was so bullied and tormented for doing something that I know for a fact millions of girls have and its pathetic. 

Not but an hour ago did I read and find out about her suicide. 

She was so beautiful, she had so much light in her eyes, and no one--> NO ONE! Gave her a chance, dried her tears, or let her know she had the strength inside of her to stop all of this. 

Below is the link to her youtube video, clearly showing that was trying to reach out to the world. 

http://youtu.be/80RqEf56Ix4

Its stuff like this that really makes me fear for my daughter. To grow up in a world like this is such a scary thing. When I was younger I did stupid stuff like this, I posted pictures I shouldnt have, I talked to people I shouldnt have, I made mistakes. But, I was able to get past them without this amount of ridicule and I feel so sorry for her and in a weird way ashamed because I couldnt help her. I know she isnt the only girl out there that had done this and I know there are many young girls out there contemplating suicide because they face so much bullying. 

I was so lucky when I was younger. I was bullied but never to this degree. I was bullied but I some how found strength in myself to move past it and to shut up all the people talking shit. I wish I could have done that for her. 

I cannot believe that people would post that they hope she died, that they hoped she drank more bleach, that she needed to try a different brand! Thats fucked up!!! All she did was hook up with a guy that made her believe that he liked her, he knew what she had already gone through, and he still didnt stand up for her when his girlfriend pulled that shit. And the teachers just let her go and lay in the ditch? She shouldnt have had to press charges, the school should have. Amanda was ganged up on, on school property! That would have been a felony down here and Amanda could have received the counseling and love she was so desperate for. 

No girl should be put through this because she was niave and posted some pictures of her breasts. 

If I would have known her or her so called friends that just threw her to the side when the pics were then sent out to everyone, I would have stuck by her and told everyone the fuck off. They are boobs!! Get over it! I would have told her all those people were just jealous. Thats all hate is really. Jealousy. She was such a beautiful girl. 

There are now about a hundred RIP Amanda Todd pages now on facebook but I couldnt find hers. There are hundreds of videos posted on youtube now spreading support and kind words, using this poor girl as a statistic for campaignes against bullying. I found news reports and reaction videos but where was all of this when she was alive, when she first made that video, when she needed someone? 

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide please message me, Ive been through it. Ive cut before, Ive bled and cried. Ive been so low I couldnt see any kind of silver lining or glimer of hope. Ive been that girl all alone, Ive been the girl crying all alone in the bathroom because everyone hates you and you really dont deserve it. Ive been neglected, Ive been abused, Ive been torn down, made to feel like I didnt deserve better, Ive been the one with a bottle of pills and only one thought in my head "take the whole bottle, it will be all over." 

THERE IS A LIGHT, THERE IS A SILVER LINING, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE, THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY! 

I cut my wrists to dot my eyes before and I survived. I didnt know it yet but I had a much bigger purpose and all these people that do nothing but try and bring you down, are really the ones that are already down themselves. Misery loves company and if your beautiful, if your happy, if your loving, if you care, if you have peace in your heart, or light in your eyes these devils, these bitches, these haters are drawn to you like flies to a corpse. Because they want you to be their corpse. They want you to feel like that but the biggest weapon against them is for you to be happy, for you to live above them, follow your dreams, use your voice, guard yourself against hatred, live in love! Love life! Love the trees and the air, love the animals that bring you so much love  into your life, love every blessing that you have because if could always be worse, you could always have it worse. There are billions of other people on this planet, trust me someone has your story beat, someone has had it worse, someone has gone through what you have and you are NOT alone! 

I was so depressed when I was younger because I was alone, I was over weight, I was bullied, I was abused, but now I see all my blessings. I see all that I almost missed out on. I see the beauty that was granted into my life. And, now I see all of the people that use to bully me so harshly for my weight, for my bubbly personality, and what are they? They are lost, they are SERIOUSLY over weight, they are alone, and they were floored that I am who I am now. They didnt even recognize me, a bunch still dont. People that hated me in school, were so cruel to me in school, are now sending me friend requests and going on and on about how wonderful I look and I dont take a single word seriously. These are the same people that were so spiteful and cruel. So, Ill smile and Ill go on with my life and know that I made it through while they are still stuck in the shells of who they use to be. 

My point is you are not alone, you have a bigger purpose in life even though you dont know it right now. 

When I became a mom, I looked back at all my old writings, I looked back at all the stupid shit I once made myself believe, I looked into my daughters eyes and say myself sitting in the bathroom stitching myself up because I was too afraid to call 911 and let my mother, my sister, or my step dad know what I had just done. I could have died, but I woke up. In my blood I saw my future floating away. I dont know why everything clicked with me just then, maybe just my fight or flight response but I lived. I made a vow and I never looked back. I was stronger than that end and I was going to make something of myself. I have. 

And I was blessed with an amazing baby girl that has been a blessing every single moment since. She was my light, she was my silver lining, she was my purpose that I couldnt have seen back then. 

I couldnt have seen myself back then in the career I have now, I didnt know I would be where I am now, I didnt know all the places that I have gotten to go to, I just knew I was alone and bullied and then I just knew that I needed to let it all go. 

I know know that I am blessed, I know now that I had no right to be so depressed when so many have had it so much worse, like Amanda. 

When I see my awesome little one walking around in her play shoes and growing so much every day, I have to stop myself from crying. So much beauty has been bestowed upon me and I have so much peace in my heart now. You can too. Just hold on. Just take a deeper breath. Just let it go. Let the pain and the anger go. Let the fear and the frustration go. Your live is so precious, your life is but one, dont throw it away or think that it is done. You have more than you know, more strength, more love, more light. You can make it through this, you can stand your ground, you can be a voice worth being heard. After all you can be the change you want to see in this world. Never think that your less than, that your not good enough, that you deserve to be talked to like that, to be struck, to be beaten, to be broken, to be bullied. YouDONT! You deserve respect. You deserve love. You deserve peace. 

Blessed be the ones most broken. Blessed be the ones most lost. Blessed me the ones most noble, just, and kind. Blessed be the ones who read this. And Blessed be the ones who care.