Aggravation, Stress, and Self Destruction

Another short and sweet update on my crazy beautiful and fucked up life. 

I was working two jobs and trying to squeeze in time for my munchkin. Then, all hell broke lose. My ceiling started flooding my house, a tooth that Ive been needing to get worked on finally literally put me to my knees (and no I still havent gotten it worked on), and my main job was just far to stressful. I completely reached my breaking point and resigned. All of the bullshit, all of the constant policy changes, all of the stress over preventing loss for a company that will not admit or equip people to deal with the true reason of loss...it all just wouldn't stop. It wouldn't  let up. It was too much and not worth the stress and heartache at the loss of time with my munchkin. She has become such an out of control kid. There is no excuse for that. 

I loved my career but I love my child more and that is the sacrifice and choice that a mother must make. And, I dont regret it. I will admit the stress of being able to pay all my bills this month has seriously got me freaking out. However, I am trying to stay positive. Applications at a million and a half other places and if I wasnt feeling like complete shit tonight I would be working at my second/only current job. 

I do have an offer to work as a personal assistant but at the same time I probably would lose the valuable time with my munchkin too.....

So..

Options....Options....Options....

Go back to college..

Actually use my cosmetology stuff...

I am going to rest up tonight and then go and check in with a few colleges tomorrow...

Maybe check into armed guard positions...

Update my licenses....

Apply to a million and one more jobs...

OH! And in my self destructive ways...I took $40 of my last pay check and got a tattoo...

A friend did it. Its easily a $300 or more tattoo..not even finished with the shading and color but its pretty bad ass!!! Pic Below!!!!

Two jobs and a toddler

To sum up the last three months in a nutshell because I haven't had a chance to sit and write for a single moment...

I moved...again. 

Work has been going alright..

Got a second job...

Immediately got a promotion at second job...

Went to Arkansas for a funeral and was sick the entire fucking time, so didn't get to see any of my friends or my kilt wearing rock star =( 

(And those are not specifically in order)

Now to go into specifics. 

I was working really well at Lowe's or at least I thought I was and then reality smacked me in the face when I got a new mentor and he showed me all of the daily and weekly tasks that have been expected of me and were not getting done. Not to mention my inventory might be fucked because my outside lawn and garden area might be fucked shrink wise because people didn't do their jobs before I even started working there. 

Then I went to Arkansas for a funeral and ended up having a fever that would break then come back over and over again for five days. I ended up missing every single chance to see any of my friends...

Then, I got back home to an eviction notice for my dogs, misuse of the gate pass, and my asshole neighbors pissed off at my step dad because honestly he has no regard for many people that are around him in many situations. He is a great man, he was my dad when my dad wasnt even thinking of me or my sister, and he has been there for me when I really and truly needed it, however he is also a very selfish and thoughtless man. He does everything that I wouldn't put up with from my own man and yet because he is my dad he keeps getting these passes..and its about to stop. 

For months he has helped me with Alyssa and I greatly appreciate it but at the same time it wasnt for nothing. I had to pay him the same I would pay a day care center, I provided all the food, entertainment(cable, internet, etc), and when he had no roof over his head he had my spare room rent free (and still got paid). Now that I am strapped for cash and moved into a duplex with one less room....he is no where to be found. And, actually my mom was in town for a week helping me find a new place while I worked both jobs and took care of my munchkin, they hooked up then he disappeared for three days to be with his sue-do girlfriend who he cant stand and use to stay at my house for days on end to get away from her...but I digress...we moved and he is no where to be found. 

So, now I am struggling to find a new daycare for my munchkin who I barely get to see because I am working all day at Lowe's and then all night at Silverado night club. I get maybe four hours of sleep each night and then maybe two hours with Alyssa a day, I keep calling in favors with friends to watch her and only ones that I truly trust. That is my life at the moment, two jobs and a toddler (not to mention the two dogs and turtle).