So...I guess you never really know someone until you live with them...And that is when your' heart breaks and lines get crossed. I left my kilt wearing (what I thought to be) rockstar. He acts as though I shouldnt be upset, I shouldnt feel heart broken, I shouldnt have left, but he just doesnt understand/ doesnt get it. Yes I may be a bit cold sometimes, I am not the most lovey dovey person in the world and I dont always want people loving on me but that doesnt mean that I dont care. I have just lived for so long on my own or with people that gave me plenty of space that that is what I am use to and I have to work on allowing people in again, allowing myself to be lovey dovey. That and I hate to yell and fight. Its pointless to me. Why get so angry and say things that cannot be taken back in anger when you can walk away and come back later?
Long cryptic story short, he woke me up because he felt like I was being cold to him and when the convo was getting to jacked up and I went to go sleep in my daughters room, he followed me and began to yell. Directly infront of my daughters bed while she was sleeping. Not only was I genuinely scared but I was also immediately pissed. I wasnt sure if my dog was going to attack him for yelling infront of my daughter, how much more he was going to yell, was he going to come closer, just what the fuck? He wants to say he wasnt bowed up, that he wasnt being aggressive but he was. There was no need for that, for any of it. If there is one thing you just do not do infront of me, its yell in an aggressive fashion anywhere around my child. Its like a button that once its pressed my momma bear instincts kick in and there isnt turning back. I do not allow people to intimidate me or my child. There are other ways of having conversations. There are other ways of dealing with situations.
If someone this early on into a relationship, like actually living together, what is going to happen when something serious actually happens? He says that I was just seeing him in a stressful situation but there are far more things to be stressed about, we had a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and actually had a great day. What he is saying is totally wrong and reaching. I gave my phone to my mom because he got me a phone and now he could turn it off at any moment just to be a jerk. I moved up here to be with someone that turned out to be someone totally different. So you never really know, till you know.
I am not completely innocent, I know I am hard to handle sometimes, and I can seem cold but I would never put somesones kid in that situation, I would never invade someones space like that to purposefully cause a confrontation.
I think I am meant to be alone. Because even the people that you think you know, that you love, that have been there through it all are still completely different people than you would ever think. My heart is broken, Im hurt, Im seriously disappointed, and I feel like an idiot...
