Just when I start to get excited about something.
Freaking daisy cutters man.
So, I am trying to cross country rent a house and have everything moving, going, ready before I am actually down in Florida and I keep getting smacked in the face with bullshit negativity and doubt.
I have so much I want to write and the over whelming urge to censor myself which really sucks balls. I am so stressed out, pissed off, and disgusted its overwhelming.
I cannot stand bugs. I cannot live in a messy house and every single day its a mess. I use to come home and go straight to cleaning but I am so overwhelmed at this point that I have no will power to do it. I take Alyssa and go hide in our room. we go to bed early, leave early in the morning, and I normally take my sweet time getting home in the afternoon because I know what I will be coming home to and it really depresses me. I have to be the one to do everything, I get the guilt treatment if anyone else does anything, and I am so sick and freaking tired of it. I cannot wait to move and get away from all of this. I know my problems will follow me but at least I will get at least a small break. I want my own house again. I want my own furnature again. I want to know that I can leave the dog food bag slightly open and not have to worry about bugs getting into it. I dream of cleaning my own house and not have to worry about moving something out of order, throwing something away because it has some bullshit sentimental memory connected to it. Im just worn thin and this weekend I am going to have to clean from Friday to Sunday and then run arrons all Monday and back in the salon Tuesday. No break. No rest day. No calm down moment. Please god let me be strong enough to make it till July.
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