Writers Block and Academic Success

The past few days I have had a severe case of writers block. Coming back from the hell of a week I had and doing my Radiology finals, all the while trying not to snap the heads off of everyone around me, who in my stressed out state, literally did everything possible that would and could piss me off or stress me out more; I am feeling far more together than ever. As I said in the blog post about my bit of misfortune and of course, the bullshit I am so very prone to, I may have to deal with this bullshit but at the same time I know that I am blessed. I keep seeing how everything happens for a reason and I am still being led in the direction of how my life should go. As I walk through this world of hell and constant misfortune, I am also shown in many, many ways that I am blessed along this road.

Although, I was prone to bullshit, I am also quite resilient to it. In my writers block over these past few days I may not have been able to write out all these thoughts roaming around inside my brain, I was still able to achieve some great academic success. I ended up having the highest grade in my Radiology class, the highest grade on the last competency, and the highest grade on the last written exam. I have also began a new class just this week- Preventative oral care. So far, in my writers block I have managed to work ahead by almost 4 weeks with only 3 pages of workbook terminology, 3 essays, a survey, and studying to complete for the rest of the term. I feel very accomplished! 

Now, if only my accomplished feeling can spread to cleaning my house that I will admit I have slacked on.... :( To have a clean house is not just a woman thing, it is something was has been so deeply inbedded into my very being that  sometimes I fear that I may have OCD but then again, who cares if I am a bit OCD. To be organized and to want things to be a certain way isnt necessarily a bad thing. Yes, some people go over board with it and I actually dont like a centralized schedule or a routine that causes me to literally do the same thing over and over again. Not my idea of fun at all. I am a free spirit, I like to roam, and I love to enjoy a bit of randomness when I randomness is appropriate. 

I have to gush a bit right now. My little munchkin was praised greatly at school today. I walked in to pick her up as usual but was a few minutes early and they were having a bit of circle time/reading time, so I sat down next to her on the floor. Come to find out the book they were reading from was my little divas homework journal. Every Tuesday and Wednesday they are given homework to do in the form of a journal. They are given certain letters, must write the letters, then glue pictures of items that represent those letters or start with those letters in the journal, and then do something else creative to represent the letter. For example tonight we had the letters D and E to do. I made her two booklets, one for each letter. In those little booklets were exercises in how to write the capital and lower case of each letter, some things that begin with the letter like a page on dogs cause dog starts with D and she has a dog (Kiniki). Also, the pics from one of her coloring books were of three different dogs. It was fun and easy. Anyway, she was being praised because apparently she is the only one in her class doing her homework correctly. Its pre-K. Its literally 1 to 2 letters per week and then practice in writting their name or whatever the teacher points out to the parent that the little munchkin needs to work on a bit. I gush because my little Diva is a smart little munchkin and I am so very proud of her, even when she frustrates me.

Now, here is where I state what pisses me off. As I stated above, the homework isnt that hard, its not as if the teacher is being too harsh or expecting too much from them. Why cant these other parents take the time to be with their kids and at least make sure their pre-K homework is done correctly???? If they arent doing it now, they wont be doing it when they get into more advanced classes. We get such a limited amount of time with our children before they grow up and no longer want or technically need us. My munchkin is already so independent its kind of scary sometimes. I want to cherish the time I have with her. Why other people cannot see the amazing little individual they have blossoming infront of them enough to even help with a small assignment to help them further themselves quicker academically, will never make sense to me. Spend time with your kids! Make sure that they do their homework! Raise your kids dont just let them exist in your home. Help them thrive. Help them grow! A childs time, especially with their parents is such a small window. I for one and going to help raise her to be strong, smart, keep her high self esteem, and know that she will always be able to come to me, talk to me, and never feel like how some of those kids do (craving for attention or completely content in being unnoticed) They are 4 and 5! I didnt become content in being unnoticed till my last year of high school and even then I despised the residual feeling. I cannot contain that side of me, my outgoing nature, and neither should I have to. Passion, out going, out spoken, and a love of learning shouldnt be frowned on or locked away. 

On a completely different note let me get some other stuff off my chest. 

This season of American Horror Story is FREAK-ing amazeballs!!!!!!! I missed season three but the freak show is great! Also...can we just touch base on the fact that there are actually quite a few people out there in the world that actually do have 2 heads??? And the clown......FUCK THAT!!!! 

Now Walking Dead, that is literally the most stressful and most anticipated night of the week sometimes. 17.5 million viewers alone for the season premier! And, well worth those 17.5 million viewers time. We are all so morbidly fascinated with the down fall of the world and specifically due to a zombie apocalypse. I completely get it and have probly spent entirely too much of my time thinking about or talking about what would happen or what to do if that ever came to be. What is really scary is that it kind of already is happening in many ways. There are two strands of malaria that mimic what we have sensationalized as walkers and zombies. There is ebola, right now, beginning to consume our fear of epidemic and outbreak and it doesnt help at all that there are stories circulating now that people are raising up from the dead after dieing from it. A real life walking dead phenomenon, maggots eating their already necrotic flesh, and no real reason as to why they can just get up from the grave. We are morbid by nature, curious to a fault, and ambitiously planning on an end of days we all fear but dream of. It is simply terrifying. 

On the show itself, I am as the majority of viewers are also apparently feeling, thankful that Rick is finally out of farmer mode and back to kicking ass mode. Of course Mishone and Carl will always be my favorite characters, mainly from what MLOML told me about the comics but also about their great portrayal over the seasons. Who I didnt expect to like but have grown very fond of is Carol. She use to annoy the hell out of me but now I really respect her. Blowing up the compound like that, being so resourceful, saving them even with everything else that had happened, and that Mary lady got what she deserved! Screw Tartarus!! Watching #TalkingDead after was EPIC! Conan O'Brian is seriously funny when he is put into candid moment like that. He said what we all wanted to say, and I couldnt stop laughing. After the continued almost heart attack during the premier, I really needed that laugh. 

Almost time for bed...You know what to do, comment, follow, share, and have a wonderful day or night depending on where in the world you might be. Thankyou, for taking your time to read about my hectic life and your continued readership. I am beginning to take emails and requests again, so feel free to reach out. No question to risque, no topic to taboo.  Anonymous letters to the writer fully accepted. =) 

Maybe just maybe

It takes alot to not get discouraged in the midst of everything and I am really trying to stay positive or over come this feeling of just "WTF?!" 

A few days ago, a friend gave me a ride home from class and she told me how it inspired her that I have the mentality I do about everything and that in spite of how overwhelming everything obviously should be for me and I'm staying very calm, cool, and collected. She stated that if it were her in my shoes she wouldn't know what to do but I'm just walking through it Iike it's nothing. Seeing a hurdle and overcoming it like it's nothing. Which is a huge compliment. However, in truth I do get overwhelmed but I keep a very strong face for my munchkin and I guess for my own benefit.

I have to shut everything off so it doesn't overwhelm me, which to some I may come off cold but it's not my intention.  At the same time, it's also irritating to constantly dwell on stuff I can't control, the past, and my short comings.  I refuse to let that control my future. I refuse to let anyone control my future or my present.

Embarrassed and Pissed

Some people just want to watch the world burn and see others suffer for no damn reason. 

Today started out pretty damn good. I was pretty much happy, I didnt fail my exams even though I thought I bombed them, and I was ready for a refreshing weekend of work and exploration. Is that going to happen now? NO!! 

I am walking out of my class and my friend Bea was like, "Anna, I think that is your' car getting towed!" I was like What??????? I ran out and sure enough that was my car getting towed. I literally dropped everything and ran. I was shaking I was so scared, worried, embarrassed, and flat out confused! WTF?? The tow truck guy was nice enough though he pulled back over to speak with me and let me know that my car was being repo'd.
WHAT!?!?!??!?! 

Why?????

Because on Saturday when I followed the rules and reported that some stupid mother fucker rear-ended me and took off the police officer did not ask or record my insurance information (infact he didnt even ask for my registration). He took down my license, my plate, and the vin of my car and helped me pop out my bumper. SO-

the police report was incomplete and per Florida law, where my car loan is through and my tags cause I havent switched them yet, I appeared to be in breach of my loan agreement and a repo order was sent out. Mind you if I am a day late in payments I receive phone calls, emails, and am hunted down (yes I am 2 payments behind right now but I have payment arrangements in place and have always stayed in contact so that I wouldnt get repo'd) but when they receive an incomplete police report they dont call and ask me about it? They dont request the info through email like they have with everything else????? NOPE! They just issue a repo and put you on hold for an hour "trying to find a manager to sort this out". When and if I get my car back I will have to pay a towing and housing fee, I have to pay a reinstatement fee on my loan because they processed it into repo, and here is the BIGGEST KICKER, the repo guy towed my car incorrectly!! I noticed it as he was leaving. With my model Mazda you cannot tow it from the back because that ends up breaking the axle or something (I literally just reviewed my driving manual just in case I was getting it mixed, Im not!) So, my once great car now will require ALOT of work on top of the other BS I have to pay for. Where in the hell am I suppose to get that kind of money??? WTF????????

I am not trying to get depressed or seriously fucked up about this though because on top of everything I still have little right to complain when there are so many ways this could be worse. When that asshole hit me, I was the only one to come back with any kind of pain. My daughter is fine which is the biggest blessing that could have happened. My car was okay which was also pretty sweet but out of all of that SHE was and is the only thing I was seriously worried about. I have been sore all damn week but I will keep that soreness as long as she has none. That jerk could have been going faster and really fucked us up. This repo could have happened while my daughter was with me and that would have been far worse. I could have been going to a school where no one fucking gave a damn about me and wouldnt have drove me home today. I could be a lazy, bouchy bitch and refuse to ride the bus or ride a bike but Im not. I will ride a bus, I will ride a bike, I will carpool, I will work my ass off to make sure my goals and my daughters future is better then this bullshit! I want to write on here how much my kilt wearing rock star has also helped out in this whole thing but thats for another post. 

I am bummed out about this and it is going to fucking suck dealing with all of this headache of either getting my car back or getting another one but in order to keep the light that is finally coming back into my heart and keep myself focused on my goals, I have to be thankful for how things have played out. I have to be willing and able to stick it out and just work harder. 

I have to do whatever is necessary to make this better. 

I cannot afford in any measure to sit there and just be down on myself or curse the world for all of this cause I could have lost my world in all of this, that was just a car. 

It is quite embarrassing this all happened right as all of us were leaving class and the whole college witnessed me running after this damn tow truck, toss everything I had in my hands, and then watch as my car was towed off with out me. I mean, hell, I am really thankful he let me get my stuff out of it and wasnt an asshole. He let me see the papers, he gave me his business card, told me its bullshit cause I even showed him my insurance card, but there was nothing he could have done. Why couldnt he of been with that show that lets you try to win your car back? Give me some trivia, my little mazda would be in the parking lot right now, not at some tow lot broken cause it was towed by the wrong damn end. 

I am so glad my munchkins school is right around the corner, if I take her bike with me maybe she wont get too upset mommy's car is gone.............