Ninja time! Getting a diaper on a sleeping toddler whom refused to put one on and had to wear big girl panties is quite a task.

Fairy tales were written by asswholes with a sense of humor. They never come true.

Feeling really stir crazy today. Anyone else wishing they could just run away?

Having a rough week. Needing a break. He wont get the point. Send some good vibes this bloggers way

Internet is off, I am sick, this day suck and Im so tired of him. Im tired of this. Im so fucking done its not even a maybe anymore

SSDD!!!! OMG!!!

When I just get tired 

of the same old shit

I take a look at my life

and I see through it. 

Some days are great

Some days suck 

Some days I cant smile

some days I have no luck. 

Today is a day 

I wish I could forget

I am so bored 

and boredom leads to regret.

Nothing is right

Everything is a mess

The living room is busted

and the baby isnt fussing any less.

You refuse to help

get angry when I ask

broke my heart a thousand times

in your own self pity you bask 

Im so tired of this bullshit,

so tired of the pain

so tired of the punisment

and so tired of the blame.

Today wasnt a bad day by any means but I am feeling so torn down right now. I get home and my heart is just broken. I cannot do shit without getting it thrown back in my face or hit with the realization that even though I kicked ass just yesterday my hard work is never enough. Never! I cleaned the whole house till my ankle was swollen like a grape fruit and slightly bruised but none of this matters. I walk in and everything I did is gone. The dishes are piled in the sink, the kitchen floor that I just moped is now dirty, and I just feel useless. I get home and everything that Ive done is gone and the baby wasnt even here today. She is in school now.....I just dont understand. 

Today is just not my day, other peoples bad vibes are running off on me, and I just really cant take this anymore. I need happy, I need peace...I need to be able to be excited about a day for the entire day and excited about the people around me for the entirety of that day. 

My munchkin is finally asleep and I think I may have an early night too...hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Productive Anna

I was so seriously productive today! I kicked cleaning ass!! 

GO ME!!!! 

I will admit it, I needed a huge cup of coffee to get started but it was still done so who is complaining? Not this woman! 

I swept,mopped, dusted, washed, organized, and even managed to get in about eight loads of laundry; get this, even folded them! 

I know it isnt a huge feat and I am proud to say that I had parents that made me do chores from age seven up but I am still proud of myself. 

I even managed to go through a bunch of Aj's baby cloths so that I can surprise a friend at school. She has boys and isnt prepared for a little girl at all but she is going to be here early. That is for sure. I think I am going to surprise her some time this week just to be safe because last week she was even having labor pains and pressure. 

Okay, so I am watching True Life and this episode is about people dealing with their bisexuality and I am totally drawn in. I have know for a very long time that I like both woman and men. I am not confused and I really fucking hate it when people say that. I know what I like, who I like, and what I want for my sex life. I am not confused in anyway and these people in this show are dealing with the same stuff. Personally, I think that it would help in the way of cheating and infidelity if people were not only open and honest with themselves but honest with their partners. I am always open and honest with whomever I am with because they need to be able to handle it, understand it, and not act like they are being caught off guard with it. Cody and I have talked several times about me having a girlfriend, sister wives, everything etc. Love should be multiplied not divided and I really dont find the shame or sin in showing love and being loved. Being bisexual doesnt make me a whore or that I would go out and sleep with anything with reproductive organs. Being bisexual just means that I am attracted to both men and women and that I can see the beauty in both of them, nothing more and nothing less. I am still a good person, great mother, hardworking, loyal, reliable, and myself. Being bisexual really doesnt mean shit! If you look throughout history, some of the greatest icons were bisexual or just didnt label themselves. Look at Alexander the great! He was the reason that Greece expanded to where it did, the reason that the east really started to develop, prosper, and organize. He was also bisexual and was noted to be openly kissing other males in public at events. It wasnt a big fucking deal! It shouldnt be a big fucking deal! Who has the right to tell me or anyone else who they can or cannot love? Not you and not any fucking politician! 

Okay my little rant is over. 

School in the morning!! Hair cutting theory and practice!!!!! So excited and so nervous!!!!! Wish me luck!!

OK let me elaborate

Alright, I am going to elaborate on the wacky blog I wrote earlier. 

Today we went and got our portraits done at a friends studio. She rocks at photography and can edit the hell out of any photo. She is perfection at what she does. Which is why I made sure we went to her and not to like JcPenney's or some other bullshit place. Plus, the prices are great and you get alot of portraits for your money. 

Well yesterday after my mother and I talked about it I told my (so-called) husband about it and he pitched a royal fit about it. Saying he didnt want to go, he didnt want to do all taht running around, and he just wanted to take our munchkin to the park. Which would be okay if he would have gotten up this morning but seeing how he wasnt up by 10am, I said fuck it and went along with my original plan. He pitched a fit and then wanted to sleep in, so whatever. I know we work him up getting ready to go but he just stayed laying in his bed and didnt say a word. I dont want to go into his room, I dont want to fight, I wanted to enjoy my Saturday. 

So, the three of us (Alyssa, her Nana, and I) went and got these beautiful portraits done.  Aj was kinda fussy but we got some really good poses and shots. Much better than her first Christmas ones last year. And I got to sit and chill with a friend of mine that I havent got to see in a very long time. She is a wonderful girl and its always a laugh when we get together. We get each other on a level that not a lot of people would understand or appreciate. Well, we got everything ordered and my mom (who is fanfriggity tastic!) agreed to help pay for it. Which means we are getting a huge package for a really cheap price. 

My Saturday was turning out great! AJ and I had a great mommy and me morning, the portraits came out great, and I had high hopes of coming home and cleaning the hell out of this house (lord knows it needs it). 

That is until we got home. =( 

Aj is running a fever, Cody is in a fowl mood, and I havent gotten to clean anything. 

He wanted to start yelling at me the second we found out Aj had a fever and start telling me what I needed to do and tell me that he knew she wasnt going to eat lunch. I apologized to him for yelling back at him, just because I dont want to fight! 

People just dont get that! I have realized that fighting doesnt get me anywhere but with a migrain and some high blood pressure. 

Everything was calming down a bit until I showed him the portraits online and then all hell broke loose. Let me reiterate the fact that he pitched a bitch fit cause he didnt want to go or get the fuck out of bed. He got so mad and I am guessing hurt because he wasnt in the portraits too, because he thinks it was her first family portrait, because he is a jackass and has to bitch, moan, and completely show his ass every single time something important happens. They werent family portraits; they were personal portraits. They were portraits that my mom wanted and portraits that he could have looked at and been like "wow, you both look beautiful!" But no, he couldnt do that if his life depended on it. He refused to even look at the rest of them. It was pathetic and a waste of energy on his part. It really pissed me off but I have a sick baby to take care of so I am going to be done with it after this post. 

He didnt pay for them, he didnt want anything to do with it, and he only thinks of himself and not family. He is so angry with the world that he refuses to see the blessings of his life and be thankful he has us in his life. A real family man would have been there, showered, ready, and helping me get her ready for the portraits. He wouldnt have to bitch or moan and complain about being there because he was. He wouldnt have to get all angry and aggravated because he would have been as happy as I was about the out come of the portraits. He would be out here taking care of the munchkin with me or cleaning so that we all dont get sick. 

Im so sick of it and ready for a change. 

My priority list is really simple,

1. Alyssa

2.Alyssa

3. School

4. Alyssa

5. My animals

6. Alyssa

7. My extended family

8. My friends

9. Alyssa

10. Alyssa

She is the first, last, and main in between priority. People need to get it, understand it, and appreciate it! Live it, learn it, Remember it! 

Really????

Just wanted to throw this out there in a short blog. Today Alyssa, her Nana, and I went and got our portraits done by one of my close friends. My mother paid for them and they turned out wonderful! But!!!! I come home and show them online to her father and he gets all fucking pissy because he wasnt included in them. He said yesterday that he didnt want us to even go and take them yesterday. Pitched a big fit and so I didnt even bother going into his room to get him. I didnt want a huge fight this morning and my mother wanted a picture done with Alyssa and I in it together, that doesnt make it a family portrait. Fuck it man! Seriously! 

My main point is dont pitch a fit about going cause you dont want to go and then pitch a fit because you arnt included in something! Maybe if you were a family man and had your family as your main priority you would be included but you are your main priority! Dont bitch about having a life and getting out and doing stuff! Im sick of this shit! 

The pictures are wonderful and I cannot wait to get them! Screw all that other bs!!! Cleaning time!!!! 

100 Workout, Readers

Just got done feeding the dogs and I wanted to talk alittle about working out. 

I will admit I do not work out nearly as much as I use to but I know I am not in that bad of shape. I still feel healthy and I can still run/walk long distances without killing myself but I know I need to kick my ass back into better shape. Seriously!

I ran across this work out that I use to do when I was Olympic lifting (weightlifting) a few years ago. I had totally forgot about it until I saw it a few days ago and I wanted to smack myself for not remembering it sooner. Like, directly after I had AJ, after my surgery, or maybe even when I started feeling slumpish a few months ago. 

It is called the 100 Workout. And this is how it goes:

100 Jumping Jacks

90 Crunches

80 Squats

70 Leg Lifts 

60 Jumping Jacks

50 Crunches

40 Squats

30 Leg Lifts

20 Jumping Jacks

Run for 10 mins as a cool down

Pretty bad ass! Seriously, try it and see if you arnt feeling the burn with in the first 20 out of 100 jumping jacks.

I have convinced myself that I am going to start doing this awesome, ass kicking work out again because I remember when my two Olympic coaches first enlightened me on this I dropped like 15 pounds in the first three weeks. Man, I hated them for the work out on the first day! Love them now though!! 

 I varied it slightly for someone that is out of shape or simply hasnt worked out in a few days or weeks. 

On Day 1, 3, and 5 you start with:

20 Jumping Jacks

30 Leg Lifts

40 Squats

50 Crunches

60 Jumping Jacks

Run for 10 Mins as Always 

On days 6, 8, and 10 do:

60 Jumping Jacks

70 Leg Lifts

80 Squats

90 Crunches

100 Jumping Jacks

Run For 10 Mins as always

On Days 2, 4, 7, and 11 Rest as to not over work out your muscles and fatigue yourself. 

On Day 12 do Entire (or Attempt to do entire) 100 Workout Starting with 100 Jumping Jacks and working down the list. 

Vary the workouts from then on out to keep your muscles confused. Gently add in your other workout routines to your liking. I know this worked vary well for me before and I am pretty damn sure that it is not only going to kick my ass this go around but it is going to seriously help me to get back to healthy and help me drop the 45 pounds that I have set for myself to lose and keep off this year. 

Now lets discuss my awesome readers. I know not all of you have subscribed and its okay. I know you are reading and I hope in some way I am helping you, whether it is to give you some words of hope, a good laugh, or to get a little pissed off. I know I cant possibly always rub everyone the right way and to be completely honest, I am not even going to try to. 

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for reading my blog and keeping it going. I know this is my vent and in some weird way it is actually comforting to know that it is reaching so many out there. I feel liberated and empowered. Comment below if you so choose to, leave me a link to your blog if you have one, and have an awesome night! 

I know that my pillow is calling my name and I am getting more than three fucking hours of sleep tonight! No promises that my munchkin wont wake me up really fucking early in the morning but I'll take what I can get. =)

my past few days

Hey yall! Hows it been? 

Great on my end, thanks for asking LOL! 

Seriously though, it has been a very eventful week. I am sitting here unwinding after a very long and busy week and honestly it feels like its been a month. I cannot believe that just three days ago was my munchkins first day of school. She has just taken to it so well. I couldnt be a prouder mommy! 

She is acting like such a big girl, every day she has three to five new words that she is piecing together into small little sentences and like I said I couldnt be a prouder mommy. 

On a different note, I actually got to go out last night and party it up! One of my friends from school, Kita, invited me to join her and some of her friends at this club thing. It was okay. Didnt turn out to be as big of a deal as what it was hyped to be but it was great just getting out of the house, seeing other people, and chilling with her for a bit. It was very stress free and that is exactly what I needed. Plus I got to see someone that always makes me smile which was pretty awesome. I needed to smile..I need to smile often, and even though we were late to the club and I was somewhat out of my element, it was still wonderful. Her are some Pictures

 Me At the club

At Kita's before Hand

Kita and I at the club

Dont I lookt pretty and drunk LOL

Sometimes a person just needs to get away from everything to take a deep breath and just be themselves. I know I do. I get into these ruts where I end up feeling so smothered and imprisoned into this role that I start to forget who I am and what I stand for. I start to believe the bullshit that is being yelled at me everyday and I start to truly think that I dont deserve more than this. Thats when I sort of wake up, feel like pulling my own hair out, and either need to just let loose or blow up. I dont like blowing up at people. Infact, I hate it. It is a waste of energy and you just end up feeling worse afterwards because you always end up blowing up at the person that doesnt deserve it. 

Last night was great and I really look forward to more nights like it. 

On the school front, everything is alright. I did another technical rubric today and passed with flying colors again but certain people are really starting to rub me the wrong way. I cannot stand fake people or people that are flip floppers. In one of the last posts I did, I was talking about a woman that blew up for no fucking reason and was acting like a child. Well today she was playing the pity me card. She was going on and on and on about what happened the other day and was acting like Kita and I were talking constantly all class. We didnt say shit except for the one question about what we were learning, which we were learning at that exact moment. It was fucking pathetic how she reacted to it and how she was acting today. Grow the fuck up and get over yourself! I am learning at that same place as you, which means that I am paying the same fucking tuition and at least when I was talking in class it was about something relevant and I wasnt t-totally interrupting the teacher. She interrupts the teacher on a daily basis, interrupts everyone on a daily basis, and knows fucking everything apparently. I cannot stand that. I know I dont know everything in the fucking world, no one knows everything in the fucking world. So, stop fucking talking so we can all learn something. And stop playing the pity me card because you dont know how to behave in public. 

Well, I gotta go feed the my puppies. More in a bit...

Here is a question for yall. What would u do if u found a machine that could bring someone back to life? Who would be ur guinea pig? Who would u bring back

Munchkins first day of school!!

Today was my munchkins first day of school!!!! 

I was crying and she was so chill. It was hilarious!! Now that I think of it, it was seriously embarrassing on my part but good on hers. She did such a good job today though. I am such a proud mommy. 

I woke up really early this morning and got my shower and then woke her up and got her straight into the bath, which she loves! I dont know any other little toddler that loves bath time like my little munchkin. She is fantastic. Then I go her all dressed up in her rocker little outfit. Let me elaborate on that. She was wearing a blue and black plaid skirt, a yellow female skull (punk-ish) skull shirt that had the same color blue in the skirt for the stars, and her converse blue sparkly shoes. She was the coolest looking toddler EVER!! 

She was so excited about school too! 

I got slightly pissed off though when my mother in law and Cody were being petty bitches fighting about who was going to drive and if they were going to drive another family member to the dentist and whatever. It almost made Aj and I late for school. I was so livid. This morning wasnt about anyone else and EVERYONE knew that she was starting school today. I couldnt shut up about it the past like two weeks but no, people want to act like they cant understand me or hear me. Whatever! 

I got over it really quickly and just told them to get their asses moving. Luckily, we both made it on time to our classes and everything was okay but I really hate petty bullshit. Seriously people get your shit straight so it doesnt affect my daughter or I, I dont make you late and I wouldnt hold you up for something that important; dont hold me up.

We got there and Aj hugged her teacher! It was so so so cute! 

She was alittle shy at first but she didnt even really notice us leave. 

Yes, school went great for me today too! Thanks for asking. Everyone had a great mood on and we were in learning mode with our new teacher. One of the women in my class seriously tried to start some drama though, I mean she flipped out. I have no idea why she was so hostile over something so minor but she even got our awesome teacher alittle flustered. I mean I love this teacher, she is bad ass and really down to earth. You can tell she still has a real passion for teaching and truly wants to see her students succeed. I am really thrilled that I have her this semester. Its going to make my final in four weeks so much easier and I already feel more confident about the things we are being taught. I will admit my mind was seriously on Aj and her first day today, but I think I still did really well today. Well. anyway, this one woman really flipped out, was written up and then sent home cause she wouldnt chill the hell out. I understand getting flustered cause we have a quiz at the end of the week and she missed yesterday but we really didnt do shit yesterday and she knew that. I truly believe that she was having problems out side of school but I have tons of issues going on out side of school and even my girl Kita has some major shit going on but non of us are dragging that into the classroom. College isnt for your bullshit, leave it at the door. I mean I feel for Kita, she was crying for some reason this morning and refused to talk about it at school. Now that is a smart woman right there. She knows to keep that line there. And this other woman is like forty and hasnt learned that yet. Act like an adult and carry yourself better. She flipped out like a little teenage kid would. Flipping out just to flip out and get some attention. Chill the fuck out and take your meds. Seriously. After she left though, everything ran really smoothly. 

I couldnt wait to get out of class though. The last 15 minutes was the longest of my life waiting to clock out and go get her. I just wanted to know if she was good, had a good day, or put some other little kid into a head lock(which she has done before). 

She was so good though! There were four teachers that just loved her! They said bye bye to her like five times just to hear her talk some more. It was so so so so so so so adorable. The teacher was very impressed with how well she is talking for her age too. Apparently she was the only one that didnt want to take a nap but other than that she was great. She only pushed down two little girls and punched one little boy. Not half bad. The rest of the time she was really good, adorable, and into everything! When we were driving home I asked her if she wanted to go to school tomorrow and she said, "School please!" It was awesome!!!!!  

Then she passed smooth out. I guess she played her little self out today. In total, just after today, she has four more brand new words she is saying- School, teacher, home, and tomorrow. 

I have a few other things that I want to write about but feeding my dogs outside is a bit more important at the moment, I may write more in a bit. COMMENT if ya want to =)