It has been about two weeks since I really posted anything, or at least it feels like that. Time has been so fast moving since I got down here but it doesnt feel like that is a bad thing.
Ugh, this always happen, I have in mind all these things I want to write about and then I get on here and its total writers block. Its just so aggravating.
I want to write about my mom but that just makes me upset. I want to write about Alyssa but I dont know where to begin. I dont have a sex life right now so, thats......I could write about all the shit that pisses me off but lately I just dont see the point in it. Nothing is going to change, unless I make it change (which I have began to) and I am sure everyone is tired of hearing people talk about what grinds their gears.
I guess I will just write about school. Not much to say there either. Its school. Its great but there are moment where I just feel like I dont belong. I get that feeling no matter when I am. I just dont belong. I go to talk and see people eyes glaze over. Or, they just ignore me entirely. Then, I go and make a fool of myself because I do exactly what people hated me doing back in Arkansas. Except reverse. I use to talk about everything that happened in Florida, now I talk about and compare almost everything to Arkansas and it aggravates me so so so so so so freaking much!!! I hated Arkansas but the reality of it is that has been my life for the last four years and so much has happened in those four years. I grew up so much in those last four years. I had a baby, I got married to someone that I shouldnt have, I tried and failed and succeeded at so many things, I almost died, I lived, I almost died again, I lived even more, I found new friends, and lost old ones. I wouldnt change it because of all of that but I wish I could just stop talking about it. I know how aggravating it is and maybe when I get out of school I will because it wont be a constant reminder of the differences and similarities.
I feel alone but not as alone as I was in Arkansas. Its like its a different level of outcast. I am more accepted here, free-ier then I was but still stuck in this cage.
Maybe when I am really on my own two feet again I will feel more accepted and confident. Maybe then I can truly leave my four year hiadiouse in the past where it belongs so I can focus on my future.
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