Your' lot in life

To each their own, right?

 It is very upsetting sitting here thinking about how insignificant certain things can be, how insignificant we can be, how we can all get lost in that train of thought and miss out on the impact we are making. Each and every person is significant in their own right. Each and every person has a role to play, a decision to make, a world to shape with in this much greater world we all live in. No, I may not be a president or rule a country but I would like to believe that my actions still play a big part of the bigger picture. My choices still impact the future, even though I may be only one tiny insignificant person, I am NOT insignificant. My actions affect the actions of others. My choices mold not only my future but others, and so do yours.

Even if you feel like you are nothing in this big hectic world, or just an ant running around the city, you play a huge part. 

I was thinking about all of this, this morning as I was cursing the bus driver who was not only late but SUPER LATE. I waited at that bus stop for over an hour and was almost late to school. It was humiliating, depressing, and honestly cold. I HATE not having my car right now. My daughter shouldnt have to walk or ride her bike to school (it doesnt hurt her, we live super close to her school, and she loves to ride her bike but at the same time I grew up being an American, so it has been embedded into my brain that I should have a car and shouldnt have to walk.) Do not get me wrong. I am no less of a person because I have to ride the bus, I am not boushy or too proud to walk. Fuck that, I will and I will rock that shit. I just have that mentality that I can do better and my child will always deserve better because I am a mother ALWAYS willing to work my ass off to make sure she has better. I was just pissed cause it was cold and I want my damn car back already. 

However, that bus driver affected my life. What if for some reason I was suppose to be exactly on time today instead of early? What if sometimes we are suppose to be late so that we dont get in an accident, we dont see something we shouldnt, we dont hear something that will hurt us, we meet someone that does play a huge role in our future but we just dont know it yet? There have been many instances where I was thankful to be late to something because if I would have been on time or early as I wanted to be, I wouldnt be here today. Once, a few years ago, my bff Megan was driving me from Arkansas back to Florida for the first time. We stopped at a gas station somewhere in Atlanta Georgia and there was this Tiny Kitten that just stopped us. It walked its little paws right up to my pitbull I had at the time with no fear and we were so taken by this little Kitten, she rescued it, and we were about thirty minutes later back on the road than we wanted to be. However, if that tiny Kitten wouldnt have stopped us for that time, we would have been involved in a huge eight car pile up that literally closed 6 of the 8 lanes going through Atlanta. It was scary. 

So, even though I wanted to continue cursing this bus driver in my head that then stopped and took a smoke break at one of the stops even though we were already running late, I calmed myself down and began thinking on all of this. 

She may have been doing a shitty job and she shouldnt have stopped for a damn cigarette break but I still made it to school on time and as I said before, maybe that is precisely the time that I needed to arrive here.

I found out when I got to school today some of my girlfriends were talking about me and my situtation at the moment and how the "friend" who was helping me out with rides in the morning while I get everything figured out with my car was being very bitchy about why she stopped driving me. I thought it was because she got another job but from that it makes me really wonder, is this girl even my friend? Did she think I was just using her? I honestly wasnt, I thought we were becoming fast friends and I even helped her out because she told me how her and her mother had no food in the house but none of that matters apparently. 

I am really, really tired of fair weather friends and people who are only one way to your face and another when you are not around. I am the same no matter what. I am outspoken, I am modest, I am outgoing, I am ambitious, and I am a very fierce friend to have.  

People keep giving me reasons to not be but I am who I am. It is hard as hell to try and change that. I try and open myself up and I keep getting smacked in the face with proof after proof of why I shouldnt. Why I shouldnt let anyone in. Why I shouldnt believe in certain things. But to not is against my very fiber of being. 

Well, off to catch the bus. 

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