Declaration of Me

Last night I was up late and wrote something pretty freaking awesome and I called it the declaration of me. 

Here is an elaboration and exclusion of that because some of the things I had to change, elaborate on, and exclude because this is a far different site. 

I have recently moved back to my home state and although I am breathing a huge sigh of relief, I still feel the weight of my three year entrapment. But not for any longer. I forgot who I was and denied my dominant nature for such a long time. Sort of...

I was blessed with someone that kept me sane through it all, opened up my heart, and made me break through the chains of the vanilla existence I was faking my way through. He never gave up on me and never let go. Although he has a very dominant personality himself he still let my domme nature run wild from time to time. Never questioning me, always empowering me..I have made mistakes, fucked up quite a bit, and am finally getting to the good parts. To thank him is pointless cause he already knows. . . like everything else.

I kept trying to explain what I am going through as, "getting back to happy," or "becoming the free spirit I use to be" but this is not the happy I knew or the girl I knew. This woman is much better. This woman is truly free and almost at peace level. I am not getting back to happy cause I didnt know what the hell that was until now. And, I pray that I can say that a year from now. That this happy is nothing in comparison to that happy. I was free spirited before but now I am liberated! Now I am confident in the power I possess. I am finally being true to myself and true to the woman I envision myself to be.

I have always been a confident person, no matter what my situation was or what kind of bullshit I was going through, you wouldnt be able to see any doubt on my face or hear any shake in my voice. But now I have strength behind that confidence. You will hear me and you will do as I command. You will see me shine! You will see me dominate every obstacle and bullshit placed before me! I am not a little girl that can be pushed around or told how to live. I am ALIVE! I am LIVING! I am POWERFUL!

 I am a mother and the father of my child is a pathetic excuse of a man. He proudly boasted that he was trying to trap me in a state that I hated, in a life style that made me pathetic, and in a frame of mind that was useless. I am not that kind of woman. I will not be held down or held back, no stereo type can contain me, no genre, no weak man of weak morals and a non existent lifestyle is going to work for me. He told me I couldnt, so I did. He tried to change me, to weaken me but I broke free. And, I am never going back. I am well educated, I work hard, I play hard, I do everything...and this goddess, this Mistress will not be taken advantage of. I dont know how I was so lost for so long but when my world was truly shaken, this power, this pent up beast inside of me just broke free and took over. I woke up. I am awake now. When I fell to my slumber, I do not know, but I am awake now. And he should fear me.

Not fear in the sense of actual physical harm. I am above that, I have a child to look after and stand up for. Violence will not be tolerated in that sense. There is a huge line between play, exercise, and true physical harm. No, he should fear me in the sense that I will never again bow down, I will never again back down, I will never again allow myself to fall. He should fear the fact I am awake. That, I am not the same as I once was. Petty fights, pent up words, and defeat are not options. I tried. I laid down my heart for the sake of society, expectations, and his own lazy pride. Never again. 

No one will receive my heart that does not deserve the privileged. No one will boast such deceptions in my name again. I was given the greatest blessing out of a horrid situation and I will not falter on it. She is my blessing, she is my responsibility. He is not. 

I am powerful. I am blessed. I am captivating. I am free. 

I am a mother. I am a story teller. I am soldier and a nurse. I am a writer and a critic. I am happy and I am sad. I am an adult with an old soul and the spirit of a child. I am finding out who I am and I am finally being true to myself. I am a cosmetologist and I am beautiful. But I am so much more and will never cease to find the things that define and captivate who I am. 

This is the declaration of me.