Fuck these feelings

I know I'm not the only one out there that has these sinking, depressing, and ridiculous feeling of being completely and utterly alone; even when you are in a crowded room or with at least one other person, you still feel so alone. Maybe it's because you aren't with the one person you want to be or maybe it's because you feel as though there is no one out there who can make you feel like you aren't alone in this ever growing world. I know I'm not actually alone. I have all my fur babies around me, my little munchkin constantly with me, and well that's about it. I know a few people are just a call or text away but even of they were right here they wouldn't be. They would be in their own world and consumed with their own things. Even when I am surrounded by family I sometimes feel as though I was just dropped there and although I understand these people around me, I will always be the stranger in the room. I get noticed on a regular basis, I get flirted with on a regular basis, and people turn to me for advice or help constantly but not one person has ever made it there mission to know me and to stay. They get what they want or need and disappear like a ghost. Or, once they do get to know me they still blow away like a leaf that just got picked up by the strong fall wind. I know I guard myself and push people away at times but it's because I know they will be out of my life before the next season comes and I can't take it. Sometimes I pretend that for this one time they are the one that is going to prove me wrong and before my internal lie can even really take hold, I'm staring at myself in the mirror alone again and questioning where I went wrong as a friend, maybe I wasn't that great of a love, or who would/could ever be that interested in me? I'm a joke, a passing fasination, a forget able person. I try to fight these feelings ever single day and most days I win. Today, I am fighting a losing battle.