Last Days in Dental Office Management

I am sitting here in class, the second to the last day of class, and I am bored out of my damn mind! This is actually pointless. Our professor quit the week before last so not only were our final exams moved up to last week instead of this week but we have has 2 different teachers sitting in here acting as though we know their teaching style or what the hell they expect of us. When at the same time they dont even know our syllabus for this class. It has made me beyond pissed off but I have rolled with the punches. What has me seriously erked right now is that not only my final but a chapter test I took last week, I received a damn C on! I dont get C's! Especially not on final exams that I know I did right. Seriously the errors she pulled out werent even errors! I didnt get the code wrong and I did exactly what was asked of me. What the fuck ever! I do not care at this point because all that means is that my high A will be a low A or it will be a B. I am fine with that given the circumstances. 

I am so ready for this 2 week break. I need it. I am going to deep clean my house, take my munchkin hiking, get all my notes together for my clinicals, catch up on my rest, hit the gym like a mad woman, and maybe even throw a party. I havent had one at my place yet and need something to take me out of this depressed bullshit I have been dealing with. 

On a completely different note, my munchkins' class play was last night and it was so so so so so so freaking adorable! I was so impressed! She knew words to Christmas songs I have been trying my whole life to memorize. LOL!

Well....besides that there is nothing to report. 

You know what to do, comment, share, follow, follow me on instagram @ms.elkins_yall , and comment below on what you would like me to discuss in the next blog. Have a great day/night no matter where in the world you may be =)

Instagram

So, recently I have fallen into the social media trap, which I wrote about in another post. I am now and instagram - er. LOL! It just sounds so absurd but whatever. I, however, am not posting pics of my meals. Nope. I fell into the category of annoying animal and pet pics. It's actually not to bad a way to waste time or when you need a smile to just scroll through the hundreds of pics posted or adorable turtles, cats, dogs, etc. Check me out at @ms.elkins_yall on instagram. #follow4follow

Over the past few weeks I really needed those random, no reason smiles, and laughs from adorable little videos.

Per usual there have been so many things that have just tried their hardest to tear me down. BUT! My dear readers, I will over come and I will keep this positivity because as I have written so many times before. As much as I want to bitch, moan, and complain; I know there are people out there fighting much harsher battles, dealing with worse people, and overcoming so much more. I can't begin to innumerate the countless blessing I know I have.

Speaking of one of those blessings, I am SO happy to announce that I am only 1 more class away from my externship and degree in dental!!! I think that I'm going to continue onto my bachelor's degree after I get placed in a good oral surgeons office but for right now, keeping my head in the game, grades as high as possible, and graduating at the top of my class is my main focus and goal. Besides, hopefully getting my mom her surgery as soon as possible. It's quite pathetic really, now that I know the inside tricks of the trade and some of the dental secrets, that insurance companies and the scam artist dentists my mom has seen have tried to claim that what she needs is purely cosmetic. ITS NOT! The whole thing pisses me off to no end. I know there are good doctors and surgeons out there that have dealt with having to surgically extract full dentition of someone who has protein s and c deficiency,  and has been on blood thinners a while. I will find them, hell I hope to work for one. I want to make a change and not only help my mom but help others like my mom who can't even get cleanings done because of the lack of education on the disorder and on the effects of blood thinners on the body. She wasn't even told when she started the blood thinners that they caused bone loss. Most don't realize it because the people placed on blood thinners normally are already elderly and have no viable teeth left so the bone loss affects their spine or hips and it's attributed to osteoporosis,  not the constant thinning of their blood which weakens the bone strength. My mom, however, still had beautiful teeth. Now she has maybe 6. They have all broken off, piece by piece, brittle and too damaged for her to even brush them. She has to rinse her mouth with scope and peroxide just to keep the periodontal infection from becoming sepsis in her blood. And still, insurance and the dentist and/or oral surgeons she has seen across the country see the necessary hospitalization and extraction of her teeth under the monitoring of a hemotologist to be "cosmetic". BULLSHIT! Your' oral health effects your' over all health. Plane and simple. Look it up....

Okay, I didn't mean for that to turn into a rant. I guess it was just on my mind.

Thanks for reading and as always comment below, share, subscribe, and hope you are having a pleasant day or night depending on where you are in the world.

Black Friday.....

When in the hell did black Friday start on fucking Thursday!!????!!! For all of my over seas readers, thanksgiving is kind of a big deal over here in America. It's not our independence day but it's a very special holiday that is suppose to be spent with family or friends celebrating the years and everything that you are thankful for. Over the years it has been morphed into just getting together with friends and/or family and stuffing your face with massive amounts of turkey or ham and many other foods and then in alot of homes watching some football. When I was younger it was spent at a native American powwow and I was either tending to the meal being prepared over a fire or I was a featured dancer in the arena.

Now, these stupid corporate ass hats are opening stores at 6 pm on fucking thanksgiving!  Screw spending time with family or helping clean up after everyone has gorged themselves on turkey, nope let's go shop at target or Walmart and buy a bunch of shit we don't need but it's on sale and it's shopping for another mass corporate driven bullshit holiday that again is suppose to be about family and togetherness but fuck that. It's about who has the best presents?!?! I am beyond aggravated about this. Not only do all of the clowns who are shopping on Thanksgiving miss the point but now all these people that wanted to spend their holiday with their families but work in retail now also have to work on the holiday. It's even more aggravating because it just makes it all okay. Think about all the soldiers that can't be home for any holiday and these stupid retailers are just taking advantage of greedy mother fuckers who don't see the point in family togetherness.

I am NOT going to shop on Thanksgiving. I WILL NOT shop on black Friday I do not give a fuck about the sales! I will NOT add to this bullshit and refuse to support it in any way. I beg any of my American readers to remember the reason to these holidays and celebrate your family/friends/what you are thankful for. Don't support these retailers that are just fattening their wallets with your money while your still struggling. If you do invest your money in a sale, do it at a local store that way the money stays into your local economy. These corporations do not care about your family, they obviously do not care about their employees who have to go in on Thanksgiving NOT black friday. Come on common sense people!

Instagram-y for me lol

I broke down and made a damn instagram account. All these years I have stuck to specific social media sites in the delusional idea that I was doing something good for myself. The truth is it doesn't matter what site you go on, the Web is the web. And, you can get addicted to social media just as easily as you can get addicted to anything else. How do I know? Because my pathetic ass cannot stay off my damn facebook for more than two days EVEN if I don't post anything. I am so fucking pathetic. Whatever. Follow me on instagram at ms.elkins_yall

Not much to report for the last few days. procrastination at its finest today. I blame the cold weather and my warm blankets/robe. I managed to get up and take a nice warm shower but then it took me a whole damn hour almost to choose something to wear....what do I choose? Leggings and a long sleeve black shirt..basic bitch is my outfit for the day. Now I should be cleaning my house and preparing for my week but I have this kitten on my foot and if I move she wakes up and if she wakes up the dogs get up and my feet stop being so warm. Ugh!!!!

So sleepy but can't clos see my eyes

I am so exhausted. It has been a very hectic day, month, several months....I want to close my eyes and rest but for some reason it's just not happening. I feel restless and with everything that has happened, I feel just broken hearted but empty. I'm not sad. I'm not even pissed anymore. I'm just laying here. And, at the same time I'm not just laying here because I refuse to stay still. If everyone else can move on why can't I?

I cleaned and scrubbed my house today. Not like a thorough spring type cleaning but the bleach was out. I even made Cleo my semi foster kitty a little jungle gym of sorts just because I was bored. Not bored enough to work ahead in my course but bored enough to take some boxes and make a little kitty maze out of them. Do you know how that is? You have all these other things to do on your to do list but it just seems so much more responsible to make a completely new thing to do......yeah, mind of a woman I guess...or just the mind of a lost heart.

Random thought for the night and to end this rambling nonsense of mine for the night, " If blue birds can fly way above the rainbows, why can't I"?

Suppose to be studying but......

So, I am suppose to be studying for this business test that I am about to take but pretty much everything is common sense. Instead, I am going to write a quick blog on common sense. I am actually someone that prides them self in the fact that I am not a blooming damn idiot when it comes to most things that are common sense. I am not so niave and sheltered from this world as ALOT of these people in my class are. I feel for them. I really do. Never having a job before, never being able to land a job, no knowing what to say or how to dress, and being so dumb to EVERYTHING that is normal for someone who should be prepared for society should know. I am, however, dumb when if comes to personal interacts with people apparently. I can be and am great at being professional and I am very out going but keeping regular friends, being able to keep a relationship like romantically- nope. 

That being said, I am now never going to write about the love of my life again because he isnt. I am also going to refrain from writing about my kilt wearing rock star because rock star status has been diminished a bit. That is all I am going to say about that. I do not want to be a complete bitch. I know that I have been. I know the mistakes I have made and I cannot change that. All I can do is move on and never be such an idiot ever again. 

Welp, testing time!! 

Takes the cake

This week I have learned many things and reflected much on myself and my choices. The truth is I have made so many mistakes and chose the wrong people so many times. I have also been more forgiving than I should have and I've trusted the wrong ones with my heart. I know I hold some double standards because I am a woman and guess what some times we are a tad bit irrational. However, no I won't go into that tirade because there is no excuse. I fucked up. I trusted someone I thought I could and turns out I couldnt. I should have said things I didn't and I lost what I thought was my future. No one is my future besides my daughter, myself, and the goals I have for my little family. If there are people that don't want to be in my life they can leave. Regardless of how many times I allowed them back in mine, forgave, accepted, and tried. I cannot change what I've done, who I love, who I cannot love, who I feel trapped by, and why I feel so alone in a crowded room. It's probably because of those same people that I trusted and found out I couldnt. I know my mistakes. I know my flaws. I'm upfront about them. Ugh I feel like I'm just going in circles of how shitty I am. Enough!

why am I awake???

This will be a relatively short blog or at least I am starting it out as a short blog, don't reallyknow but we will see. I'm laying here wondering why in tthe world I am awake right now. It's literally 2 am in the morning and I have been up since 11pm. My dumb self fell asleep super early (about 7 pm) when my little munchkin with the sniffles needed to go to bed but come on I need more than 4 hours of sleep right? That Is debate able, appatently it is actually healthier to sleep in two 3-4 hours time spans with about an hour separation in between the two. Cool, great, that's awesome. My problem is I cannot get back to sleep! Even with a tiny little Kitten purring in my ear, which is quite soothing, I am wide awake!!! 
In my alertness I have done as most Americans do and watched entirely too much YouTube. The best show being #goodmythicalmorning , they had a video where they took the predictive text that now literally tries to guess the next word of your sentence and tried to get to a key word only using the words provided in the predictive text on your phone. I am going to attempt tthat now at least once. 

OK here I go LOL, 
The word I need to get to is Sleep. 

I have to be able to get to the right place to be able to make it to the right now and then you can get it.  

Hahaha haha well I tried. Good morning or good night where ever you may be.  

Your' lot in life

To each their own, right?

 It is very upsetting sitting here thinking about how insignificant certain things can be, how insignificant we can be, how we can all get lost in that train of thought and miss out on the impact we are making. Each and every person is significant in their own right. Each and every person has a role to play, a decision to make, a world to shape with in this much greater world we all live in. No, I may not be a president or rule a country but I would like to believe that my actions still play a big part of the bigger picture. My choices still impact the future, even though I may be only one tiny insignificant person, I am NOT insignificant. My actions affect the actions of others. My choices mold not only my future but others, and so do yours.

Even if you feel like you are nothing in this big hectic world, or just an ant running around the city, you play a huge part. 

I was thinking about all of this, this morning as I was cursing the bus driver who was not only late but SUPER LATE. I waited at that bus stop for over an hour and was almost late to school. It was humiliating, depressing, and honestly cold. I HATE not having my car right now. My daughter shouldnt have to walk or ride her bike to school (it doesnt hurt her, we live super close to her school, and she loves to ride her bike but at the same time I grew up being an American, so it has been embedded into my brain that I should have a car and shouldnt have to walk.) Do not get me wrong. I am no less of a person because I have to ride the bus, I am not boushy or too proud to walk. Fuck that, I will and I will rock that shit. I just have that mentality that I can do better and my child will always deserve better because I am a mother ALWAYS willing to work my ass off to make sure she has better. I was just pissed cause it was cold and I want my damn car back already. 

However, that bus driver affected my life. What if for some reason I was suppose to be exactly on time today instead of early? What if sometimes we are suppose to be late so that we dont get in an accident, we dont see something we shouldnt, we dont hear something that will hurt us, we meet someone that does play a huge role in our future but we just dont know it yet? There have been many instances where I was thankful to be late to something because if I would have been on time or early as I wanted to be, I wouldnt be here today. Once, a few years ago, my bff Megan was driving me from Arkansas back to Florida for the first time. We stopped at a gas station somewhere in Atlanta Georgia and there was this Tiny Kitten that just stopped us. It walked its little paws right up to my pitbull I had at the time with no fear and we were so taken by this little Kitten, she rescued it, and we were about thirty minutes later back on the road than we wanted to be. However, if that tiny Kitten wouldnt have stopped us for that time, we would have been involved in a huge eight car pile up that literally closed 6 of the 8 lanes going through Atlanta. It was scary. 

So, even though I wanted to continue cursing this bus driver in my head that then stopped and took a smoke break at one of the stops even though we were already running late, I calmed myself down and began thinking on all of this. 

She may have been doing a shitty job and she shouldnt have stopped for a damn cigarette break but I still made it to school on time and as I said before, maybe that is precisely the time that I needed to arrive here.

I found out when I got to school today some of my girlfriends were talking about me and my situtation at the moment and how the "friend" who was helping me out with rides in the morning while I get everything figured out with my car was being very bitchy about why she stopped driving me. I thought it was because she got another job but from that it makes me really wonder, is this girl even my friend? Did she think I was just using her? I honestly wasnt, I thought we were becoming fast friends and I even helped her out because she told me how her and her mother had no food in the house but none of that matters apparently. 

I am really, really tired of fair weather friends and people who are only one way to your face and another when you are not around. I am the same no matter what. I am outspoken, I am modest, I am outgoing, I am ambitious, and I am a very fierce friend to have.  

People keep giving me reasons to not be but I am who I am. It is hard as hell to try and change that. I try and open myself up and I keep getting smacked in the face with proof after proof of why I shouldnt. Why I shouldnt let anyone in. Why I shouldnt believe in certain things. But to not is against my very fiber of being. 

Well, off to catch the bus. 

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It is what it is

It is what it is. I am not perfect, I do not claim to be. Actually, I claim the opposite. It still sucks knowing that I am the cause of someones pain and sadness. My trying wasnt enough, infact it just made me look like an ass. 

Here lately, that is the only thing that I am good at. Being an ass, looking like an ass, and making a fool of myself. I am so good at hurting the ones I love that it is astounding. Even when I think I am doing well, I am not. 

Well.....here is to not caring because I only fuck it up when I do care. It is what it is. 

Well I need to go get some studying done for class tomorrow and cleaning done today.....yay me...... =/

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!! ( A day late but so what)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! (Samhain for all my Pagan friends, and Day of the Dead for all my Latino Friends) 

I had a pretty awesome Holiday. I spent most of the day studying and cleaning, which people would be like "why is that such a good day?" Well, Ive felt pretty crappy lately and cleaning made me feel wonderful! After that, my little munchkin had a "carnival" at her school that I helped with being one of the parents that was asked to do so, and I GOT TO SEE MY BROTHER!! 

It was great!! It has been about 6-7 years since I have seen him last and he has never met my little munchkin, so it was not only heart warming to see them meet but I really wanted to cry most of the day. He picked me up and we picked my little diva up together. I cant believe how much of a northerner he is! It was so funny talking to him now! I sound like a seriously southern bell and he sounds like a major northerner/almost canadian. It was great! 

I would post a pic of him and my little Diva but I need to be just a bit careful. 

Anyway, our Halloween consisted of getting caught up with each other, very slight trick or treating because apparently these Texans/Mexicans do not participate in that tradition, and then watching the nightmare before Christmas, and passing smooth the heck out reading my little Diva her bedtime story. 

I love Halloween, I love celebrating Samhain. Most dont get the fact that yes, you are suppose to think about your ancestors past and it is a day of celebrating the dead but that is just the thing, it is to celebrate them not to be somber or sad. I refuse to be sad on Halloween. Even when nothing happens on Halloween and I have had some crummy Halloweens, I cannot be sad. I celebrate and am festive. 

Today, on the other hand has been quite blah. I had to resign the job I was working because my babysitter completely no called no showed me again. So much for friends right....ugh 

I have to say that the main suck-ish part about living here is having no one I can fully count on to watch my little diva or come through for me in any way. Friends are very fair weathered here and its slightly depressing. I would glady stand up and help out "friends" if asked but oh well. 

There are so many instances that are making me feel as though I should just stop caring. Just shut it off and stop. So many people who keep just giving me cause to no care at all or regret the fact that I did. 

I just keep telling myself only two classes left and an externship and then bam I am on my way and outa here. 

Hope you all have a great weekend! 

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Writers Block and Academic Success

The past few days I have had a severe case of writers block. Coming back from the hell of a week I had and doing my Radiology finals, all the while trying not to snap the heads off of everyone around me, who in my stressed out state, literally did everything possible that would and could piss me off or stress me out more; I am feeling far more together than ever. As I said in the blog post about my bit of misfortune and of course, the bullshit I am so very prone to, I may have to deal with this bullshit but at the same time I know that I am blessed. I keep seeing how everything happens for a reason and I am still being led in the direction of how my life should go. As I walk through this world of hell and constant misfortune, I am also shown in many, many ways that I am blessed along this road.

Although, I was prone to bullshit, I am also quite resilient to it. In my writers block over these past few days I may not have been able to write out all these thoughts roaming around inside my brain, I was still able to achieve some great academic success. I ended up having the highest grade in my Radiology class, the highest grade on the last competency, and the highest grade on the last written exam. I have also began a new class just this week- Preventative oral care. So far, in my writers block I have managed to work ahead by almost 4 weeks with only 3 pages of workbook terminology, 3 essays, a survey, and studying to complete for the rest of the term. I feel very accomplished! 

Now, if only my accomplished feeling can spread to cleaning my house that I will admit I have slacked on.... :( To have a clean house is not just a woman thing, it is something was has been so deeply inbedded into my very being that  sometimes I fear that I may have OCD but then again, who cares if I am a bit OCD. To be organized and to want things to be a certain way isnt necessarily a bad thing. Yes, some people go over board with it and I actually dont like a centralized schedule or a routine that causes me to literally do the same thing over and over again. Not my idea of fun at all. I am a free spirit, I like to roam, and I love to enjoy a bit of randomness when I randomness is appropriate. 

I have to gush a bit right now. My little munchkin was praised greatly at school today. I walked in to pick her up as usual but was a few minutes early and they were having a bit of circle time/reading time, so I sat down next to her on the floor. Come to find out the book they were reading from was my little divas homework journal. Every Tuesday and Wednesday they are given homework to do in the form of a journal. They are given certain letters, must write the letters, then glue pictures of items that represent those letters or start with those letters in the journal, and then do something else creative to represent the letter. For example tonight we had the letters D and E to do. I made her two booklets, one for each letter. In those little booklets were exercises in how to write the capital and lower case of each letter, some things that begin with the letter like a page on dogs cause dog starts with D and she has a dog (Kiniki). Also, the pics from one of her coloring books were of three different dogs. It was fun and easy. Anyway, she was being praised because apparently she is the only one in her class doing her homework correctly. Its pre-K. Its literally 1 to 2 letters per week and then practice in writting their name or whatever the teacher points out to the parent that the little munchkin needs to work on a bit. I gush because my little Diva is a smart little munchkin and I am so very proud of her, even when she frustrates me.

Now, here is where I state what pisses me off. As I stated above, the homework isnt that hard, its not as if the teacher is being too harsh or expecting too much from them. Why cant these other parents take the time to be with their kids and at least make sure their pre-K homework is done correctly???? If they arent doing it now, they wont be doing it when they get into more advanced classes. We get such a limited amount of time with our children before they grow up and no longer want or technically need us. My munchkin is already so independent its kind of scary sometimes. I want to cherish the time I have with her. Why other people cannot see the amazing little individual they have blossoming infront of them enough to even help with a small assignment to help them further themselves quicker academically, will never make sense to me. Spend time with your kids! Make sure that they do their homework! Raise your kids dont just let them exist in your home. Help them thrive. Help them grow! A childs time, especially with their parents is such a small window. I for one and going to help raise her to be strong, smart, keep her high self esteem, and know that she will always be able to come to me, talk to me, and never feel like how some of those kids do (craving for attention or completely content in being unnoticed) They are 4 and 5! I didnt become content in being unnoticed till my last year of high school and even then I despised the residual feeling. I cannot contain that side of me, my outgoing nature, and neither should I have to. Passion, out going, out spoken, and a love of learning shouldnt be frowned on or locked away. 

On a completely different note let me get some other stuff off my chest. 

This season of American Horror Story is FREAK-ing amazeballs!!!!!!! I missed season three but the freak show is great! Also...can we just touch base on the fact that there are actually quite a few people out there in the world that actually do have 2 heads??? And the clown......FUCK THAT!!!! 

Now Walking Dead, that is literally the most stressful and most anticipated night of the week sometimes. 17.5 million viewers alone for the season premier! And, well worth those 17.5 million viewers time. We are all so morbidly fascinated with the down fall of the world and specifically due to a zombie apocalypse. I completely get it and have probly spent entirely too much of my time thinking about or talking about what would happen or what to do if that ever came to be. What is really scary is that it kind of already is happening in many ways. There are two strands of malaria that mimic what we have sensationalized as walkers and zombies. There is ebola, right now, beginning to consume our fear of epidemic and outbreak and it doesnt help at all that there are stories circulating now that people are raising up from the dead after dieing from it. A real life walking dead phenomenon, maggots eating their already necrotic flesh, and no real reason as to why they can just get up from the grave. We are morbid by nature, curious to a fault, and ambitiously planning on an end of days we all fear but dream of. It is simply terrifying. 

On the show itself, I am as the majority of viewers are also apparently feeling, thankful that Rick is finally out of farmer mode and back to kicking ass mode. Of course Mishone and Carl will always be my favorite characters, mainly from what MLOML told me about the comics but also about their great portrayal over the seasons. Who I didnt expect to like but have grown very fond of is Carol. She use to annoy the hell out of me but now I really respect her. Blowing up the compound like that, being so resourceful, saving them even with everything else that had happened, and that Mary lady got what she deserved! Screw Tartarus!! Watching #TalkingDead after was EPIC! Conan O'Brian is seriously funny when he is put into candid moment like that. He said what we all wanted to say, and I couldnt stop laughing. After the continued almost heart attack during the premier, I really needed that laugh. 

Almost time for bed...You know what to do, comment, follow, share, and have a wonderful day or night depending on where in the world you might be. Thankyou, for taking your time to read about my hectic life and your continued readership. I am beginning to take emails and requests again, so feel free to reach out. No question to risque, no topic to taboo.  Anonymous letters to the writer fully accepted. =) 

Maybe just maybe

It takes alot to not get discouraged in the midst of everything and I am really trying to stay positive or over come this feeling of just "WTF?!" 

A few days ago, a friend gave me a ride home from class and she told me how it inspired her that I have the mentality I do about everything and that in spite of how overwhelming everything obviously should be for me and I'm staying very calm, cool, and collected. She stated that if it were her in my shoes she wouldn't know what to do but I'm just walking through it Iike it's nothing. Seeing a hurdle and overcoming it like it's nothing. Which is a huge compliment. However, in truth I do get overwhelmed but I keep a very strong face for my munchkin and I guess for my own benefit.

I have to shut everything off so it doesn't overwhelm me, which to some I may come off cold but it's not my intention.  At the same time, it's also irritating to constantly dwell on stuff I can't control, the past, and my short comings.  I refuse to let that control my future. I refuse to let anyone control my future or my present.

Embarrassed and Pissed

Some people just want to watch the world burn and see others suffer for no damn reason. 

Today started out pretty damn good. I was pretty much happy, I didnt fail my exams even though I thought I bombed them, and I was ready for a refreshing weekend of work and exploration. Is that going to happen now? NO!! 

I am walking out of my class and my friend Bea was like, "Anna, I think that is your' car getting towed!" I was like What??????? I ran out and sure enough that was my car getting towed. I literally dropped everything and ran. I was shaking I was so scared, worried, embarrassed, and flat out confused! WTF?? The tow truck guy was nice enough though he pulled back over to speak with me and let me know that my car was being repo'd.
WHAT!?!?!??!?! 

Why?????

Because on Saturday when I followed the rules and reported that some stupid mother fucker rear-ended me and took off the police officer did not ask or record my insurance information (infact he didnt even ask for my registration). He took down my license, my plate, and the vin of my car and helped me pop out my bumper. SO-

the police report was incomplete and per Florida law, where my car loan is through and my tags cause I havent switched them yet, I appeared to be in breach of my loan agreement and a repo order was sent out. Mind you if I am a day late in payments I receive phone calls, emails, and am hunted down (yes I am 2 payments behind right now but I have payment arrangements in place and have always stayed in contact so that I wouldnt get repo'd) but when they receive an incomplete police report they dont call and ask me about it? They dont request the info through email like they have with everything else????? NOPE! They just issue a repo and put you on hold for an hour "trying to find a manager to sort this out". When and if I get my car back I will have to pay a towing and housing fee, I have to pay a reinstatement fee on my loan because they processed it into repo, and here is the BIGGEST KICKER, the repo guy towed my car incorrectly!! I noticed it as he was leaving. With my model Mazda you cannot tow it from the back because that ends up breaking the axle or something (I literally just reviewed my driving manual just in case I was getting it mixed, Im not!) So, my once great car now will require ALOT of work on top of the other BS I have to pay for. Where in the hell am I suppose to get that kind of money??? WTF????????

I am not trying to get depressed or seriously fucked up about this though because on top of everything I still have little right to complain when there are so many ways this could be worse. When that asshole hit me, I was the only one to come back with any kind of pain. My daughter is fine which is the biggest blessing that could have happened. My car was okay which was also pretty sweet but out of all of that SHE was and is the only thing I was seriously worried about. I have been sore all damn week but I will keep that soreness as long as she has none. That jerk could have been going faster and really fucked us up. This repo could have happened while my daughter was with me and that would have been far worse. I could have been going to a school where no one fucking gave a damn about me and wouldnt have drove me home today. I could be a lazy, bouchy bitch and refuse to ride the bus or ride a bike but Im not. I will ride a bus, I will ride a bike, I will carpool, I will work my ass off to make sure my goals and my daughters future is better then this bullshit! I want to write on here how much my kilt wearing rock star has also helped out in this whole thing but thats for another post. 

I am bummed out about this and it is going to fucking suck dealing with all of this headache of either getting my car back or getting another one but in order to keep the light that is finally coming back into my heart and keep myself focused on my goals, I have to be thankful for how things have played out. I have to be willing and able to stick it out and just work harder. 

I have to do whatever is necessary to make this better. 

I cannot afford in any measure to sit there and just be down on myself or curse the world for all of this cause I could have lost my world in all of this, that was just a car. 

It is quite embarrassing this all happened right as all of us were leaving class and the whole college witnessed me running after this damn tow truck, toss everything I had in my hands, and then watch as my car was towed off with out me. I mean, hell, I am really thankful he let me get my stuff out of it and wasnt an asshole. He let me see the papers, he gave me his business card, told me its bullshit cause I even showed him my insurance card, but there was nothing he could have done. Why couldnt he of been with that show that lets you try to win your car back? Give me some trivia, my little mazda would be in the parking lot right now, not at some tow lot broken cause it was towed by the wrong damn end. 

I am so glad my munchkins school is right around the corner, if I take her bike with me maybe she wont get too upset mommy's car is gone.............