This is how I know I am messed up in the head,
I have been sitting here thinking of friends I have lost since I moved up here and since I got with Cody.
I dont even mean like I lost them to God or anything like that, I mean I lost them cause I am a fucked up individual. I screw myself over by pushing people away that would actually help my life out and be good influences and stick around with other people, like Cody who only wish to hinder it.
Dont get me wrong there are wonderful things about Cody but thats only when he wants to be wonderful and that is a very rare occurrence. Normally he just wants to find things he knows will upset you and let them loose, or use them specifically against you. He hates me, I know he does but instead of being the one to break it off he just picks and picks at me making me look like the bitch in everyone elses eyes. Which I already know I am cause I let people go out of my life that were wonderful. Truly wonderful. All the time. They loved me regardless of the fact I am a fucked up person.
Why do I do this to myself? I let the good go and keep the bad. Do I want to make myself suffer?
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