Narnia and such

I want to begin by saying that if Narnia was a real place, I would never leave it. Its far too beautiful and hello! Talking animals!! 

Maybe Im just a weirdo but I would also freaking love it if Hogwarts and Harry Potter was real. Twilight not so much...

Whenever I watch a movie that I seriously love, I cannot help but to imagine what it would be like if it was real. Not really my fault either, I grew up on Disney movies that always promise a happy ending, Romance, and the idea that one day life wont suck as badly as it does. 

I even imagine that maybe some movies were based on reality and the government doesnt care that people see it because we would all just believe that it was fiction anyway. 

Yesterday was great. I took my munchkin to the park after a blah/grr kinda morning and we had a blast. She amazes me every single day with how much she has grown and how smart she is getting. If I were in better circumstances I would be trying my hardest to give her a little brother or sister. She would make a great big sister cause she is so social and just loves to play with other kids. She wants to be the center of attention or just join in the fun.

I love that she is a happy baby. Sorry, toddler. I never was. It was like there was something wrong with me. I was always questioning the world around me to the point I never had any fun. I just didnt fit it. When I was in elementary school they tested my IQ level and apparently its like Einstein level but Im dyslexic so it hold me back. I can think on great level and imagine things beyond belief but I cant put them on paper or explain them correctly. I have a speech impediment that no ones knows about because I have worked and worked on myself to the point that no one knows or can tell. Until I am drunk or seriously pissed off. My studder, my dyslexic moments dont show themselves but it messed with my childhood and I pray every single day that Alyssa will have a better childhood than that. That she is happy, well adjusted, and can enjoy life like I am just now getting to. 

Different note, I had this awesome job offer that I was excited about but when I started weighing the pros and cons I was left with a really hard choice but one that had to be made. If I were to take the job I would have had to quit school or switch to part time and no matter what shift I took I would never get to see my little munchkin. We would always miss each other and although the money would have been good, it would have come at the cost of her. She always wins when it comes to that. My mom actually told me to quit school to take the job which broke my heart. It was like she thought that what I was going to school for wasnt on the same level. I love what Im going to school for and I should have done this a long time ago. 

I know I am jumping around alot and I appologize, my mind is very a.d.d at the moment. I am whirling from this horrible day and trying to figure out my options and what to do tomorrow. Maybe I should write later when I know exactly what I want to write about.