Impressions

In the last few days I have come to realize that through this writing I am beginning to be a calmer person again. Writing in general has always been a huge escape for me. I can release everything that is weighing down my brain, making me a very bitchy person. So, here I am again, writing even though I wrote at 4 am this morning. YAY ME! 

To the point of the topic at hand, well quite literally at mouth. In class today we began doing Impressions and casts of oral cavities. So, of course I did my own mouth. That is only natural; right?

 I am quite disappointed at how bad my malocclusion is. Sure, a regular person could look at my cast and only notice the small issues Ive got going on in there. I, however, am very hard on myself and see EVERY imperfection. 

My bite is sitting slightly more towards the left, my front teeth are chipped (because I am one of those individuals that is destined to meet the pavement), and the missing filling and completely broken tooth do not look good.

 I seriously need to get into a dentist and fix this shit before it gets even worse. Although I have insurance, I dont have $800 to drop on just the missing filling. Its retarded that I have to drop that much money even though I have insurance. I dont get it! 

Yes, the companies have to be paid and the work dentists, hygienists, and assistants do is vitally important but I never remember having to pay a doctor an additional 300 on top of the 800 they just charged my insurance for one procedure. It would be awesome if I could just get the government insurance that is suppose to be available to single mothers and college students, but that is all a lie. There are so many ways you can be denied coverage because of shit that doesnt even relate to what you are needing the help with. For example, I was denied because I have a car that is worth a damn.  I am still making payments on it (and actually behind) but some how in their twisted minds they see that as a form of income. "?" HOW?? I am still paying for it, I went through hell to get it in the first place, and I am even behind on payments because I am struggling to keep my head above water. If it wasnt for my moms help and the help of a certain kilt wearing rockstar, I would be completely fucked right now and questioning whether or not I was even a good mother. 

I am a very proud person. It is a large fault of mine. I do not like to get help from others but would help my worst enemy if need be. I try as hard as I can to do it all on my own because then no one can be in control of me or have that power over me. That kind of thinking has made many aspects of my life quite difficult. I will never stop trying to be self reliant and striving for the best but I am working on getting over my pride and accepting the help offered from those that I really care about. I can (to a point) trust them and its not their fault that someone else hurt me, lied to me, used me, took advantage of me, tried to control me, and tried to drive me down. 

I am glad that class was as busy as it was today though because I didnt want to look at my phone anymore. Just when I think that I am free, still hurting and questioning everything, but free....he messages me again. If you are so done, if I make you so miserable, if there is nothing I can do to ever make you happy why are you prolonging this. You have said goodbye to me more times than I can count now. You called me a lying bitch when I was telling the truth. You lashed out when I had no idea what the true issue was. You have said and done everything possible to hurt me and then you dare to come back and finally open up to me, just to immediately revert back. I complain too much, how? You have all these notions of shit that you think I want but have never listened to the words of my heart. You judge me when I accept you. How the fuck is that fair?? 

And he isnt even the first person to do this to me, it is a damn trend! I am too caring to people who do not deserve it or even want it deep down. But, I cannot change that. If I shut off that emotional switch, I will never be the person I am and for all my faults I am a very passionate, caring, and loving person. I am loyal to those I love. I am fiercely protective. To shut it off and walk around like a drone because everyone seems to end up doing this to me, would be like being in purgatory, which to me is worse than hell. I am severely ocd and a.d.d  and to be trapped in my own mind like that with nothing to do or the same monotony over and over again, would make me go insane. 

Well off to do this homework, leave me a comment on what topic to write about tonight or share your experiences with either impressions or anything else I wrote about. PEACE