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I am so fucking tired of having to repeat myself. I know for a damn fact that I have a loud voice, so why the hell do people ask me or ignore me when I say something??? It makes absolutely no fucking sense! 

I get yelled at and faught with because of the way that I talk, the fact my voice carries, and the fact I know how to use my voice but people want to act like they cant fucking hear me! It is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!! 

In class, people want to act like I am not talking or they cant hear me, until its time for public presentations or group reading and then, "Oh, have Anna do it she has a great voice!"

At home, people want to ignore me  and act like I didnt say shit to them, just because they dont want to act like fucking adults and get shit done.

I am done with it. People want to act like they cant hear me, then they just wont. I refuse to waste my breath on people that dont give a fuck about what I have to say, even if it is something they need to know or hear. Fuck it! I will only talk when I have to or have something very important to say. 

The day before yesterday was not a very good one at all. Some bitch at school wanted to start shit with me cause I asked all of them to be quiet so we could study for a test that guess what!? The entire class failed! So, she popped me in the back with a big ass rubber band. It took everything in me not to pop her right in the face and lay her out. If I would have done that, I would have been expelled. Awesome! So, I just kept my mouth shut and twirled that rubber band around in my hand until it was time to leave. Apparently, that scared the shit out of them cause they didnt mess with me at all yesterday. That and if I would have laid her out, I would have been just as childish as she was being. We are adults and that whole situation just sounds like something that would have happened in junior high. Grow the fuck up! 

When I got home though, the entire house was a mess (big surprise!) and I was exhausted. Didnt even get to watch an episode of lost before AJ and I went 'nigh night'. I woke up at 4a.m this morning though. Which would have been great had I decided to go to school but I cleaned for four hours and I am still not done. God, its like these people never learned how to clean their entire lives. I know Cody never did but his mother should have. She is such a pack rat and is really starting to piss me off. 

She gets up this morning, after an entire week of telling me how much she doesnt want Cody driving her car and asks if I will get him to drive me to school. That was when I decided to clean the entire house instead. I would rather run around here like a chicken with my head cut off, dusting, vaccuuming, washing, and picking up Alyssa's toys than try to wake him up for anything. I knew that since AJ and I went to bed early he stayed up all fucking night playing that damn playstation and I dont want to deal with it. Then she goes back to bed and comes back out around nine and just looks around looking pissed off. Maybe because I cleaned the entire house, or maybe I cleaned up all of her fucking mess and bagged up all of her papers for her to go through; I dont fucking care. I was so tired of listening to her bitch and moan about the house being cluttered and a mess and then not do shit about it. Maybe it wouldnt be so cluttered and a mess if you cleaned up some of your own fucking papers. Do you really have to keep everything that comes into the house? Between her and Cody and their damn hoarding natures I am going to go nuts. I cannot stay in a house that is that messy and I refuse to have my daughter in a house like that. Im not saying that this house is the messiest in the nation or even in this zip code but my mother was really ocd when I was younger and now there are just certain things that I cannot deal with and a cluttered messy house just over whelms me.

That is another thing I am done with. 

It has been three months today, that we have been married. I am done. Three months, and he doesnt have  a clue. Not one fucking clue. He doesnt care. Most people would be celebrating this day but he is still laying in his bed being a dick head and not acknowledging his own daughter is wanting him to wake up. We dont sleep in the same room, he pisses me off so much with his bullshit that he literally repulses me, and he doesnt even care. 

He makes me truly believe that I dont deserve anything better at times, and I literally have to smack that out of my own head. I do deserve better than this. I am worth much more, others see it. Even when I am not at my best. Others would be celebrating this day with me and would have woke up earlier than me to make breakfast in bed for me, would have a gift (even if it was home made or cheesy), and would celebrate because they would want 3 more months, 3 more years, 3 more decades, 3 more life times....

He just doesnt make the effort to care about me. 

I want some one that cares if I am not there, doesnt see a day as better because I am away at work or school, doesnt put material things/wants/habits before me or our little family, and would travel a thousand miles just to get me because they couldnt live without me any longer. Someone that picks or buys me flowers just because. Someone that  knows I love white roses and detest red roses. Someone that takes the time to figure me out before expecting anything in return. Someone that puts me first as their queen, so that I can put them forth as my king. Someone that respects, accepts, and understands my descisions, opinions, and reasons why I am asking for something to be done. I want someone that I can love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally. 

I see that the grass is greener on the other side, I am just scared to jump over the very tall fence. I will do it eventually though, you know that. You know that I am getting so tired of this dry barren land over here and that tornado of dark, deep, depression is gathering far to closely. The closer it gets, the smaller that fence looks. 

I was suppose to have a job interview this week but the guy wasnt there and then he wanted to reschedule for yesterday and I couldnt do it. I couldnt miss class yesterday. Today isnt a big deal but yesterday was. And he cant do today because it is going to be really busy. Whatever. I wish I could just win the lottery and not have to worry about this shit. I cannot wait till I graduate. Things will be so much easier. College degree and license in hand and maybe Ill be able to make it better.