Very Pissed off right now!

I am very, very livid right now! Seriously, this shit is stupid! So, last night it snowed although much of it is gone now, it wasnt this morning. I received a phone call at six am this morning telling me that school starting had been pushed back until noon and then on my way in I received a phone call from my advisor saying to just come in tomorrow and make sure to have my work done. Great awesome I get to rest my foot some more and I get to read and do my work in a stress free environment, or so I thought. I was so excited about resting my foot because good lord it hurt last night at work. When I got home and took my boot off it was severely swollen. I was scared I may have re-injured it.  

So, I get back home and start dinner because although I wont be home to eat it my daughter will be with her father and last night he even had a hard time feeding her correctly. I will not take away from him the fact he is a good father. He is. He is just an idiot when it comes to common sense for children or cooking. So I was trying to make it easier on them but that didnt do anything for me. He decides that because I am up cooking, he doesnt have to do shit. Not a damn thing. He is tired cause he is always tired and he doesnt want to do a damn thing. He makes this huge ass overly dramatic sigh every single time that he is asked to do something and his body language is horrible. If he hates it so damn much then dont allow me to rely on you! Make it perfectly clear that you dont want any kind of responsibility and you cannot handle it. At one point he had but then he tried to back track. It is very clear now that he is still in that mind set. 

Every single thing that he does is perfect and every single thing that I do is nagging or snappy. I cannot talk to people the right way. Blah dee freaking blah. 

I know how to talk to people. I just dont put up with bullshit and I am so fucking sorry that I have a loud voice. I have always had a loud, big voice, and I will always have that voice! And, fuck no I will not accept a bullshit apology for that display of bullshit fighting. 

I get you are tired, our daughter is a handful but guess what I do way more with way less of an attitude. 

Yes, I sometimes can be a bitch and I apologize for those moments or at least I try to. That doesnt mean that you can sit around and do nothing, be a jackass 24/7, and only accept your own views a fact. That is not how life works and I refuse to be broken down to a silent, quivering, and obedient woman. 

"Without passion, you dont have energy, without energy, you have nothing"-Donald Trump

I am tired of not receiving any passion because he obviously doesnt care and has no energy. He told me that I need to choose between school and work. If I didnt have to provide for a wonderful child and five dogs then fine school is all I would have but I have adult responsibilities and I refuse to go any moment longer freaking out cause Alyssa is on her last diaper and we have absolutely no money. I am use to having money and I am not ashamed of that. It means that I work, that I have my shit together, and that I can pay my damn bills. I am going to school so that I can get an even better job, with a higher pay. So that my daughter never has to need for something that I cannot afford. I grew up always worried about the bills, scared the electric was going to get cut off, that we were not going to be able to go to school cause there was no gas in the car, and scared that everyone would find out how low we had it. But, my strong and independent mother always made sure that shit was taken care of. She is were I gather much of my strength from. 

Yes, I have been on my own since I was 15 but that was also because after my step dad left and my sister moved in with her now husband she had to do something to earn a living and make sure that I was at least taken care of until 18. Because I am so independent she wasnt afraid of leaving me alone at that age. Not most people can say that and I am not ashamed of it. I am so sick and fucking tired of people telling me that living on my own since 16 isnt something to be proud of. True I still had to grow up a bit and didnt do that till I was 18-19, I still was much more adult then most adults today. I can do this. I can take care of myself and provide for my daughter and I will never be told I have to choose between my future and the money to provide for her right now. So-the-fuck what if I am a little tired at the end of the day and I ask you to feed our daughter. So-the-fuck what if I ask you to go feed the outside dogs because I have a fucked up foot at the moment and want to rest it before work tonight. As my current husband, the father of my child, and currently unemployed, that is your job. You dont want it then you dont have to have it. 

I do love him but I hate him so much at times. I cannot stand his voice right now. I cannot stand his demeanor, and I cannot stand his mightier than thou attitude. Get the fuck over yourself. You are not working, you cant clean worth  a damn, I dont ask much of you at all, and you are not a god among men. Most women wouldnt put up with your shit and somehow I have managed to. 

Ugh!!!!!!! 

Is it wrong of me to want more than the mundain? Is it so wrong of me to expect the simplest of tasks to be done? Is it wrong of me to want much more than this constant bullshit?? Is it wrong of me to want the best of you because I give the best of me, every single day? Is it wrong of me to strive for better, instead of settling for this? I dont think so and that is where the problem lies. I want more. I dream of a better life. I compare my old life to this one and it saddens me. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to beat the shit out of him and scream "what the hell is wrong with you???!!! Cant you see what potential and blessings you have???" But no I would be the bad guy, I would be the horrible woman that asked to much of him. 

Whatever...